Monday, January 30, 2006
Will respond to comments
People say I don't respond to the right comments. So here is your opportunity. I will attempt to respond sincerely to the first five non-anonymous comments left to this post.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Asian white interracial couples
As I walked around Manhattan today I observed all the mixed race couples. It seemed like for every couple in which there was an Asian woman with an Asian man there was another couple where the Asian woman was with a white man. But I saw no couples where the man was Asian and the woman was white.
The absence of the latter type of interracial couple is easy to explain. Once I was hanging out at a bar with these two older divorced white women whom I knew (they were only one or two years older than me and that was several years ago so they were in their mid thirties), and one of them said something like "I could go for a black guy." I couldn't resist the temptation to ask, "what about an Asian guy?" In response they both laughed derisively at the suggestion. I felt sorry for the poor Asian men who were so contemptible to them.
But white men don't have contempt for Asian women. The only unanswered question is whether there are a lot of white men with Asian fetishes, or if white men are settling for Asian women because no white women are interested in them. It's very common in these Asian female/white male couples for the guy to be sort of nerdy looking. The sort of guy that white women aren't interested in. Like me.
Asian girls, on the other hand, might actually like the somewhat geeky white guy. Unlike the typical white woman who is just seeking a casual fling with an alpha male, Asian women are more likely to be seeking boyfriends who would be good husband material: a smart guy who is interesting to talk to, has a decent career, and who would make a good father. This is probably cultural. Asian women born in the U.S. whose parents were also born here probably act just like typical white women, but on the other hand one should never discard the possibility that there are some genetically based behavioral differences.
But this doesn't explain why Asian women would go after geeky white guys when there are so many Asian guys who need a girlfriend. The Japanese girl I dated a few years ago (I should probably write a post about that) told me that she was only interested in white men. And she really seemed to like me. She said she never met anyone as smart as me and that's what she wanted in a guy. It should have been really good for my ego, but I think the message I got was that only Asian girls might be interested in me as a boyfriend. It sure is a shame that white women don't get hot for intelligent men they way Asian women do.
I got a good look at one of the Asian/white couples I saw today. The guy had curly red hair and wire frame glasses, looked slightly overweight and out of shape, definitely a nerdy looking guy. His Asian girlfriend/wife was short and had a bad complexion and was not attractive at all. I thought "ha, the Chinese girl I'm going out with this week is way hotter than this guy's girlfriend/wife and she probably makes three times as much money as her too!" I felt like the Big Alpha Male among the nerdy guys who date Asian girls. It felt good to feel manly like that.
KELLY
Yes, she called me back and I'm taking her to a second tier sushi place for an after work date. Second tier in Manhattan means not first tier like Nobu or Asia de Cuba. Zagat says the restaurant we are going to has a "hopping sushi scene," whatever that means. I hope the sushis don't hop off the tray before I can eat them.
CARR
She called me back too, and she left a message, but she said she's going to be somewhere tonight. It's cool that two girls, neither of whom are fat or butch or otherwise disgusting (although Carr could do with gaining some weight) want to see me again.
The absence of the latter type of interracial couple is easy to explain. Once I was hanging out at a bar with these two older divorced white women whom I knew (they were only one or two years older than me and that was several years ago so they were in their mid thirties), and one of them said something like "I could go for a black guy." I couldn't resist the temptation to ask, "what about an Asian guy?" In response they both laughed derisively at the suggestion. I felt sorry for the poor Asian men who were so contemptible to them.
But white men don't have contempt for Asian women. The only unanswered question is whether there are a lot of white men with Asian fetishes, or if white men are settling for Asian women because no white women are interested in them. It's very common in these Asian female/white male couples for the guy to be sort of nerdy looking. The sort of guy that white women aren't interested in. Like me.
Asian girls, on the other hand, might actually like the somewhat geeky white guy. Unlike the typical white woman who is just seeking a casual fling with an alpha male, Asian women are more likely to be seeking boyfriends who would be good husband material: a smart guy who is interesting to talk to, has a decent career, and who would make a good father. This is probably cultural. Asian women born in the U.S. whose parents were also born here probably act just like typical white women, but on the other hand one should never discard the possibility that there are some genetically based behavioral differences.
But this doesn't explain why Asian women would go after geeky white guys when there are so many Asian guys who need a girlfriend. The Japanese girl I dated a few years ago (I should probably write a post about that) told me that she was only interested in white men. And she really seemed to like me. She said she never met anyone as smart as me and that's what she wanted in a guy. It should have been really good for my ego, but I think the message I got was that only Asian girls might be interested in me as a boyfriend. It sure is a shame that white women don't get hot for intelligent men they way Asian women do.
I got a good look at one of the Asian/white couples I saw today. The guy had curly red hair and wire frame glasses, looked slightly overweight and out of shape, definitely a nerdy looking guy. His Asian girlfriend/wife was short and had a bad complexion and was not attractive at all. I thought "ha, the Chinese girl I'm going out with this week is way hotter than this guy's girlfriend/wife and she probably makes three times as much money as her too!" I felt like the Big Alpha Male among the nerdy guys who date Asian girls. It felt good to feel manly like that.
KELLY
Yes, she called me back and I'm taking her to a second tier sushi place for an after work date. Second tier in Manhattan means not first tier like Nobu or Asia de Cuba. Zagat says the restaurant we are going to has a "hopping sushi scene," whatever that means. I hope the sushis don't hop off the tray before I can eat them.
CARR
She called me back too, and she left a message, but she said she's going to be somewhere tonight. It's cool that two girls, neither of whom are fat or butch or otherwise disgusting (although Carr could do with gaining some weight) want to see me again.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Motivations
JOANNE'S COMMENT
Joanne writes:
So to answer the second part of the question, why am I even trying to go out with women? Here's a list of some motivations:
(1) Companionship - life is lonely if you're single and getting on in your years. Everyone is married and married people don't hang out with single people. So you're all alone unless you find someone of the opposite sex. And I'm not very good at making male friends. Somehow my virginity makes it difficult to bond with other men. Companionship seems to be the number one reason I like Carr.
(2) Habit - for whatever reasons I wanted to meet girls back when I was younger--perhaps because of the extreme horniness of youth--my mind has become in the habit of still thinking in that frame of mind even if it's no longer relevant to my current situation.
(3) Status - being seen with a beatiful woman would raise my status with my family, friends, and society in general.
(4) Desire to be normal - if you don't have a girlfriend people think you're not normal, and I just want to be normal.
(5) Wanting what I can't have - a lot of people besides me have this problem.
(6) Titillation - it's pleasurable to just be in the presence of a beautiful woman. Lots of men seem to share this motivation based on my observations.
(7) Sex - many women assume this is the "only" thing men care about, In fact, I'm sure that all men care about at least some of the other factors I mention although maybe for some (many? most? nearly all?) sex is on the very top of their list.
(8) Love - I remember what it felt like to be in love with someone, but unfortunately it was painful unrequitted love. Nevertheless, I can only imagine how great it must feel to be in a relationship where you love her and she loves you. It was this which used to be my strongest motivator for trying to meet women, but now I'm not sure. Maybe I can't fall in love again.
ANONYMOUS' COMMENT
Anonymous writes:
And Rana made the relationship easy for me because she made all the first moves. Maybe women do this all the time when men get them hot, but since so few women feel that way about me it just never happened to me before. (However, Catherine made it clear to me that she wanted me to kiss her on the lips at the end of our date--a sort of pseodo-first move.)
Incidentally, I wonder if I'm really still a virgin in spirit, since my penis was inches away from Rana's vagina and she wanted me to be able to complete the act. Until my relationship with Rana, the hallmark of my virginity was that I had never even been remotely close to losing it.
CARR
She sent me an email on Friday. She wrote, "Hey Virgin, how are ya? got your message..... will call you this weekend ..."
KELLY
I called her a few minutes before writing this post and I left her a message on her voicemail.
Joanne writes:
It sounds like it's all over, Virgy. There's no point in even trying to go out with a woman if the thought of kissing makes you sick.I've always imagined that I would like kissing, but then when it happened I didn't really like it.
So to answer the second part of the question, why am I even trying to go out with women? Here's a list of some motivations:
(1) Companionship - life is lonely if you're single and getting on in your years. Everyone is married and married people don't hang out with single people. So you're all alone unless you find someone of the opposite sex. And I'm not very good at making male friends. Somehow my virginity makes it difficult to bond with other men. Companionship seems to be the number one reason I like Carr.
(2) Habit - for whatever reasons I wanted to meet girls back when I was younger--perhaps because of the extreme horniness of youth--my mind has become in the habit of still thinking in that frame of mind even if it's no longer relevant to my current situation.
(3) Status - being seen with a beatiful woman would raise my status with my family, friends, and society in general.
(4) Desire to be normal - if you don't have a girlfriend people think you're not normal, and I just want to be normal.
(5) Wanting what I can't have - a lot of people besides me have this problem.
(6) Titillation - it's pleasurable to just be in the presence of a beautiful woman. Lots of men seem to share this motivation based on my observations.
(7) Sex - many women assume this is the "only" thing men care about, In fact, I'm sure that all men care about at least some of the other factors I mention although maybe for some (many? most? nearly all?) sex is on the very top of their list.
(8) Love - I remember what it felt like to be in love with someone, but unfortunately it was painful unrequitted love. Nevertheless, I can only imagine how great it must feel to be in a relationship where you love her and she loves you. It was this which used to be my strongest motivator for trying to meet women, but now I'm not sure. Maybe I can't fall in love again.
ANONYMOUS' COMMENT
Anonymous writes:
just tell me something, when you finally gonna fuck someone????
you are waisting your time with so many dates, pick one girl and work har until you can finally fuck her.Anonymous makes a valid point. Obviously I'm afraid of physical intimacy and it's easier to just avoid what your afraid of. After my experience with Rana, I'm a little less afraid of physicaly intimacy but now I'm worried about not being able to perform.
And Rana made the relationship easy for me because she made all the first moves. Maybe women do this all the time when men get them hot, but since so few women feel that way about me it just never happened to me before. (However, Catherine made it clear to me that she wanted me to kiss her on the lips at the end of our date--a sort of pseodo-first move.)
Incidentally, I wonder if I'm really still a virgin in spirit, since my penis was inches away from Rana's vagina and she wanted me to be able to complete the act. Until my relationship with Rana, the hallmark of my virginity was that I had never even been remotely close to losing it.
CARR
She sent me an email on Friday. She wrote, "Hey Virgin, how are ya? got your message..... will call you this weekend ..."
KELLY
I called her a few minutes before writing this post and I left her a message on her voicemail.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Kelly
***Warning*** This post contains physical descriptions of how Kelly looks because I think that this is important to understanding people's behavior. Don't give me shit about this in the comments.
I asked her to go to the same bar as I went the first time I met Carr. Unfortunately, this time the bar was all crowded and there was no place to sit so we had to stand and talk to each other. Kelly never heard of the place, which is weird, the bar is attached to a pretty expensive restaurant.
Kelly is cute. Her face is really wide, which isn't that attractive, but otherwise she had cute black hair and unlike most Asian girls who are short and skinny, Kelly is tall and has what seemed like (under her clothing) a nicely shaped body with big breasts for a Chinese girl. She's thin but not too skinny (like Carr). Kelly won't be mistaken for a model but she's cute.
She seems pretty shy. Whenever I gave her a compliment she acted all embarrassed about it, which had the effect of encouraging me to keep doing it. I defintely seemed to engage in more flirting behavior with her than my previous first dates. Whether this is because of her shy demeanor, because she's tall and has what seems like a nice figure, or because I haven't masturbated since Sunday and I'm starting to get a little hornier, I don't know.
I didn't see any evidence of her making a lot of money at her job. She lives in a studio on the UES which sounds like it's smaller than mine, and she said she doesn't go to the Hamptons and she doesn't like to shop and she walks places instead of taking cabs. All she ordered was a club soda because she doesn't like to drink. This is sort of too bad because girls who don't drink usually aren't much fun. Carr is fun because she drinks, and because Carr is so small and skinny she doesn't need to drink a lot to feel the effects of the alcohol.
Anyway there's nothing about Kelly to fully explain why she has trouble meeting men. Surely there's some Chinese guy who'd love to go out with her? Or maybe Chinese guys only like tiny short girls, and maybe white men with Asian fetishes also like their Asian women tiny?
Kelly is definitely someone I want to see again.
CARR
I called her tonight because it has been three days and I am supposed to call her otherwise I'm not playing by the rules correctly and she would get mad at me. I left a message on her voicemail. She seldom actually answers her phone. She seems to go out just about every night except on the night of her weekly religious observance.
I asked her to go to the same bar as I went the first time I met Carr. Unfortunately, this time the bar was all crowded and there was no place to sit so we had to stand and talk to each other. Kelly never heard of the place, which is weird, the bar is attached to a pretty expensive restaurant.
Kelly is cute. Her face is really wide, which isn't that attractive, but otherwise she had cute black hair and unlike most Asian girls who are short and skinny, Kelly is tall and has what seemed like (under her clothing) a nicely shaped body with big breasts for a Chinese girl. She's thin but not too skinny (like Carr). Kelly won't be mistaken for a model but she's cute.
She seems pretty shy. Whenever I gave her a compliment she acted all embarrassed about it, which had the effect of encouraging me to keep doing it. I defintely seemed to engage in more flirting behavior with her than my previous first dates. Whether this is because of her shy demeanor, because she's tall and has what seems like a nice figure, or because I haven't masturbated since Sunday and I'm starting to get a little hornier, I don't know.
I didn't see any evidence of her making a lot of money at her job. She lives in a studio on the UES which sounds like it's smaller than mine, and she said she doesn't go to the Hamptons and she doesn't like to shop and she walks places instead of taking cabs. All she ordered was a club soda because she doesn't like to drink. This is sort of too bad because girls who don't drink usually aren't much fun. Carr is fun because she drinks, and because Carr is so small and skinny she doesn't need to drink a lot to feel the effects of the alcohol.
Anyway there's nothing about Kelly to fully explain why she has trouble meeting men. Surely there's some Chinese guy who'd love to go out with her? Or maybe Chinese guys only like tiny short girls, and maybe white men with Asian fetishes also like their Asian women tiny?
Kelly is definitely someone I want to see again.
CARR
I called her tonight because it has been three days and I am supposed to call her otherwise I'm not playing by the rules correctly and she would get mad at me. I left a message on her voicemail. She seldom actually answers her phone. She seems to go out just about every night except on the night of her weekly religious observance.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
A slimy clump of moss
KELLY
I spoke to Kelly on the phone yesterday. I found out more about her profession, even though she doesn't like to talk about it. She wouldn't even tell me what company she worked for, but after our conversation I Googled her and figured out her company and her title.
I'm trying to figure out how much money she makes, I figure that maybe a $165K base salary plus an $80K bonus would be plausible. But who knows? Her industry pays some crazy ass salaries.
It pisses me off that she's only thirty years old and she wasn't even born in this country and she's making a monster $250K salary. That's the job I should have had when I was thirty, and I would have done it a lot better than the people who do it.
And her salary will continue to grow while mine is stuck on a miserable $150K plateau until what I do is outsourced to India or my side business stops making money. People at the top of her profession pull in seven figures. It's like her salary will grow into a mighty oak tree while my salary will be like a slimy clump of moss growing on her bark.
What happens if we get married and she has kid? She couldn't give up her seven figure job to be a mom, I'd have to stay home and be the house husband. I don't think there could be anything more demasculating that than. It's like getting your penis cut off. We'd go to parties and she'd be introduced as the Managing Director at Drexel Burnham Lambert with a seven figure salary and then people would ask "what does your husband would do?" and she'd say "oh he just stays home with our kid." And then she'd divorce me out of disgust for my lack of earning power when all the people she works with are rich and powerful Masters of the Universe, and then the divorce judge, beating a dead horse into the ground, would give her the kid and make me pay alimony to her because women always mop up in divorce court no matter what the circumstances.
Anyway, I'm meeting her after work tomorrow, but we haven't made up what we are doing. I'm supposed to call her tomorrow. I hate these kinds of amorphous arrangements. Does anyone have any suggestions?
CARR
Carr is a geeky girl who likes science fiction, and this of course makes her a lot more fun to talk to. A girl who's into science fiction is really a whole lot more interesting than a girl who's into spending money at Bloomingdales. And she also said she'd teach me how to smoke pot.
We exchanged emails yesterday but she didn't email be back today. I guess I'm supposed to call her because I have the penis. We ended our last date on a rather platonic note, all I did was kiss her on the cheek, and she said something about seeing each other again (and she was sincere about it as far as I can tell).
As people reading this blog should understand, but seem incapable of so understanding, sexual intimacy is as scary to me as flying on an airplane is to someone who's afraid to fly. Most people who are afraid to fly never face their fear, they just don't fly anywhere. I'm sure that Carr is expecting something more than a kiss on a cheek after a third date, otherwise she'll think I'm not interested in her and move on.
YOKO
Haven't heard from her since I sent her the email.
DVDs
Got some in the mail from Amazon.com yesterday. A whole season of a very entertaining TV show. That's 12 to 13 hours of viewing pleasure for only $35. What a deal! That's a lot more cost effective than going on a date where you spend $100 for 2 hours of entertainment. Maybe I should just marry my DVD player. They allow gay marriages now, perhaps in a few years they'll allow that too.
I spoke to Kelly on the phone yesterday. I found out more about her profession, even though she doesn't like to talk about it. She wouldn't even tell me what company she worked for, but after our conversation I Googled her and figured out her company and her title.
I'm trying to figure out how much money she makes, I figure that maybe a $165K base salary plus an $80K bonus would be plausible. But who knows? Her industry pays some crazy ass salaries.
It pisses me off that she's only thirty years old and she wasn't even born in this country and she's making a monster $250K salary. That's the job I should have had when I was thirty, and I would have done it a lot better than the people who do it.
And her salary will continue to grow while mine is stuck on a miserable $150K plateau until what I do is outsourced to India or my side business stops making money. People at the top of her profession pull in seven figures. It's like her salary will grow into a mighty oak tree while my salary will be like a slimy clump of moss growing on her bark.
What happens if we get married and she has kid? She couldn't give up her seven figure job to be a mom, I'd have to stay home and be the house husband. I don't think there could be anything more demasculating that than. It's like getting your penis cut off. We'd go to parties and she'd be introduced as the Managing Director at Drexel Burnham Lambert with a seven figure salary and then people would ask "what does your husband would do?" and she'd say "oh he just stays home with our kid." And then she'd divorce me out of disgust for my lack of earning power when all the people she works with are rich and powerful Masters of the Universe, and then the divorce judge, beating a dead horse into the ground, would give her the kid and make me pay alimony to her because women always mop up in divorce court no matter what the circumstances.
Anyway, I'm meeting her after work tomorrow, but we haven't made up what we are doing. I'm supposed to call her tomorrow. I hate these kinds of amorphous arrangements. Does anyone have any suggestions?
CARR
Carr is a geeky girl who likes science fiction, and this of course makes her a lot more fun to talk to. A girl who's into science fiction is really a whole lot more interesting than a girl who's into spending money at Bloomingdales. And she also said she'd teach me how to smoke pot.
We exchanged emails yesterday but she didn't email be back today. I guess I'm supposed to call her because I have the penis. We ended our last date on a rather platonic note, all I did was kiss her on the cheek, and she said something about seeing each other again (and she was sincere about it as far as I can tell).
As people reading this blog should understand, but seem incapable of so understanding, sexual intimacy is as scary to me as flying on an airplane is to someone who's afraid to fly. Most people who are afraid to fly never face their fear, they just don't fly anywhere. I'm sure that Carr is expecting something more than a kiss on a cheek after a third date, otherwise she'll think I'm not interested in her and move on.
YOKO
Haven't heard from her since I sent her the email.
DVDs
Got some in the mail from Amazon.com yesterday. A whole season of a very entertaining TV show. That's 12 to 13 hours of viewing pleasure for only $35. What a deal! That's a lot more cost effective than going on a date where you spend $100 for 2 hours of entertainment. Maybe I should just marry my DVD player. They allow gay marriages now, perhaps in a few years they'll allow that too.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Email to Yoko
I sent the following email to Yoko. Because you guys are so good at criticizing me and telling me when I'm a jerk, loser, etc., you can have a field day with the email:
Dear Yoko,
Hi, thanks for writing :)
I'm sorry that I never called you again after the last time we saw each other, and I feel kind of bad about that. I just think that the relationship that you're looking for, in which the man is the "gentleman" who does everything for you and spends a lot of money on you, and you're the Japanese princess, is just not me. Maybe you need someone who makes more money. Or maybe I just don't like spending money because until two or three years ago I didn't have much. I think my "soulmate" is just more independent you are.
Besides that I really enjoyed spending time with you, enjoyed talking with you, and you look really pretty, and you have a great body.
If you'd like to hang out sometime as just friends, and not going on a formal date, I'd like that, because I enjoy hearing your stories about Japan and your observations about how the U.S. is different.
Virgin
Monday, January 23, 2006
Monday, January 23 update
CARR
I saw Carr again tonight. I like her very much. Tonight was our second date. I apologize for using such a trite adjective to describe her, but she's just really cool. She seems to like me too. She let me know that she wants to see me again, and I'm sure she was sincere about it and not just being polite.
But she scares me because I think she's the kind of girl who would have sex on a third date, and we know how scary that is. At least we know how scary that is for me.
And also, she's not the type of girl who I get a hard-on for. I am going to stop masturbating; hopefully this will make me horny and cause me to get a hard-on for every girl.
As a long term relationship, the problem I have with her is that she's very religious and I'm not.
I like her too much to not see her again. I really want to see her again.
LISA
I previously wrote:
YOKO
She sent me an email today and then she left a message on my voicemail. I wasn't expecting that. I guess she must like me. It feels good to be liked. It almost makes me want to do something stupid, like call her back.
KELLY
I never mentioned Kelly before. She is a Chinese-American girl who moved to this country when she was a teenager. I don't know anything else about her because I haven't spoken to her on the phone yet. Yes, I met her via the same online dating website as I met Yoko.
Unlike Yoko, Kelly has multiple graduate degrees and a better career than I have (which is kind of intimidating).
For some weird reason, these Asian girls seem to like me. Well, it's not that weird because I explained it in previous posts, but people get pissed at my explanations for unknown reasons.
In contrast, I contacted thirty-eight white girls via the online dating service and I got the one date with Lisa who doesn't want to see me again.
COMMENTS
I read all the comments because they automatically get emailed to my special "virgin" email account. But if I responded to a lot of them I'd probably get all pissed off and this would create negative karma that would be bad for the blog
I've considered turning off the anonymous comments. Of course, people could still anonymously create an account at Blogger with a pseudonym, but this tiny extra hurdle might cause the quality of comments to increase a bit.
Blogger lets you type in a pseudonym with your comment without registering; I at least wish people would use that feature.
There were some constructive comments to my hair stylist post in which people suggested that I ask her out. She has a two year old daughter, but she never mentions a husband and she doesn't wear what I can identify as a wedding ring or engagement ring so I don't know what the deal is there. However I am pretty sure that I'm not her type, and also she would rather keep me as a client, because after a date it would be awkward and I'd have to find another hair stylist.
I saw Carr again tonight. I like her very much. Tonight was our second date. I apologize for using such a trite adjective to describe her, but she's just really cool. She seems to like me too. She let me know that she wants to see me again, and I'm sure she was sincere about it and not just being polite.
But she scares me because I think she's the kind of girl who would have sex on a third date, and we know how scary that is. At least we know how scary that is for me.
And also, she's not the type of girl who I get a hard-on for. I am going to stop masturbating; hopefully this will make me horny and cause me to get a hard-on for every girl.
As a long term relationship, the problem I have with her is that she's very religious and I'm not.
I like her too much to not see her again. I really want to see her again.
LISA
I previously wrote:
Normally when I like a girl as much as I like Lisa, she doesn't want to see me again. This is not a self deprecating comment, it's an unfortunate observation.That turned out to be an accurate prediction.
YOKO
She sent me an email today and then she left a message on my voicemail. I wasn't expecting that. I guess she must like me. It feels good to be liked. It almost makes me want to do something stupid, like call her back.
KELLY
I never mentioned Kelly before. She is a Chinese-American girl who moved to this country when she was a teenager. I don't know anything else about her because I haven't spoken to her on the phone yet. Yes, I met her via the same online dating website as I met Yoko.
Unlike Yoko, Kelly has multiple graduate degrees and a better career than I have (which is kind of intimidating).
For some weird reason, these Asian girls seem to like me. Well, it's not that weird because I explained it in previous posts, but people get pissed at my explanations for unknown reasons.
In contrast, I contacted thirty-eight white girls via the online dating service and I got the one date with Lisa who doesn't want to see me again.
COMMENTS
I read all the comments because they automatically get emailed to my special "virgin" email account. But if I responded to a lot of them I'd probably get all pissed off and this would create negative karma that would be bad for the blog
I've considered turning off the anonymous comments. Of course, people could still anonymously create an account at Blogger with a pseudonym, but this tiny extra hurdle might cause the quality of comments to increase a bit.
Blogger lets you type in a pseudonym with your comment without registering; I at least wish people would use that feature.
There were some constructive comments to my hair stylist post in which people suggested that I ask her out. She has a two year old daughter, but she never mentions a husband and she doesn't wear what I can identify as a wedding ring or engagement ring so I don't know what the deal is there. However I am pretty sure that I'm not her type, and also she would rather keep me as a client, because after a date it would be awkward and I'd have to find another hair stylist.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
My beautiful hair stylist
The most beautiful woman that I know is my hair stylist. I think it's worth the rip-off prices I pay to get my hair cut in order to gaze at her in the mirror. To start with, she has gorgeous blonde hair, and sure you expect a hair stylist to have good hair, but hers looks really great even for a hair stylist. She has a beautiful symmetrical face with a perfect nose and pale blue eyes. She's tall and thin, but thin with muscle; she must work out with weights. During the summer she wore an outfit that displayed her stomach, and it was very flat and toned.
She always wears something fashionable, but never fashionable in a Saks Fifth Avenue way, but rather a bohemian Village way. She has tatoos on both her forearms and a tiny stud in her nose, and normally I'm not into that stuff but somehow on her it looks right, like it belongs there, and it doesn't mar her beauty.
I have a hard time placing her age; I would guess mid to late thirties but she looks really good for her age. It's so sad that a woman who looks that good would never go out with me. I'm just glad she lets me be her client. The first time I saw her I felt like she was slightly condescending, as if I wasn't quite good enough to get my haircut at such a trendy salon, but after I demonstrated that I always give a 20% tip she warmed up to me. And I think she liked the big Christmas tip I gave her in December.
Once I did go out with a girl who was almost as good looking, but in an Upper East Side brunette kind of way. My mother met her mother and that's how I got set up with her on a blind date. I couldn't believe my luck when I discovered my date was beautiful and had a great figure, and she was also the president of her sorority at an Ivy League college. I couldn't figure out why a girl like that would need to go on a blind date. Naturally she ignored my phone calls after our date until I gave up.
She always wears something fashionable, but never fashionable in a Saks Fifth Avenue way, but rather a bohemian Village way. She has tatoos on both her forearms and a tiny stud in her nose, and normally I'm not into that stuff but somehow on her it looks right, like it belongs there, and it doesn't mar her beauty.
I have a hard time placing her age; I would guess mid to late thirties but she looks really good for her age. It's so sad that a woman who looks that good would never go out with me. I'm just glad she lets me be her client. The first time I saw her I felt like she was slightly condescending, as if I wasn't quite good enough to get my haircut at such a trendy salon, but after I demonstrated that I always give a 20% tip she warmed up to me. And I think she liked the big Christmas tip I gave her in December.
Once I did go out with a girl who was almost as good looking, but in an Upper East Side brunette kind of way. My mother met her mother and that's how I got set up with her on a blind date. I couldn't believe my luck when I discovered my date was beautiful and had a great figure, and she was also the president of her sorority at an Ivy League college. I couldn't figure out why a girl like that would need to go on a blind date. Naturally she ignored my phone calls after our date until I gave up.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Self-Made Man
Here's a review of the new book Self-Made Man by Norah Vincent. The author is a woman (albeit a lesbian one) who dressed up as man to see what it's like to be a man.
This is what she has to say about dating:
This is what she has to say about dating:
Dating women as a man was a lesson in female power, and it made me, of all things, into a momentary misogynist, which, I suppose was the best indicator that my experiment had worked. I saw my own sex from the other side, and I disliked women irrationally for a while because of it. I disliked their superiority, their accusatory smiles, their entitlement to choose or dash me with a fingertip, an execution so lay, so effortless, it made the defeats and even the successes unbearably humiliating.This sounds like a book that all women need to read for the dating chapter.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Male sex drive decreases with age
The male sex drive decreases with age. I think this is one of those secret things that no one ever talks about. Most men are in denial about it. After all, society has taught us that being a man means being able to please a woman.
This web page has as good a description of the problem as I was able to find on the internet:
I still have no problem masturbating, and despite what the above quote says, I can do it more than once in a 24-hour period. But maybe the urge to do it isn't quite as strong as it once was. And that's a good thing because masturbating is a real waste of time and mental energy that could be better spent doing just about anything else.
Just as I still masturbate despite my diminished sex drive, non-virgin men continue to have sex even though they have a diminished sex drive. This is because sex for normal men is a learned habit, and even though the raging horniness of the 18-year-old is gone, the habit of having sex remains.
But for the virginal man who has never had sex, I think that the decreasing sex drive poses a big problem. Without the strong sex drive or a long history of positive associations with sex, the act of exchanging bodily fluids is actually pretty disgusting. I didn't enjoy French kissing Rana. To put it bluntly, sticking my tongue in her mouth was gross.
It doesn't seem gross to all of you reading this because you all have so much experience doing it and thus a whole history of positive associations with it. It's kind of like touching a dead body. Gross to you, but to the medical examiner who deals with them all the time it's not gross, it's just his job. (And then of course there is necrophilia: some twisted people get off on having "sex" with corpses. Yes, it sounds gross, but I'm sure that once you get into the habit of doing it, the act no longer seems gross. Not much more gross than tasting a woman's anus.)
It looks like the problem will only get worse. At the age of 65, a man has hardly any sex drive left at all.
If there are any virginal men in their twenties who are reading this, my advice to you is please, for the love of God, start having sex now before it's too late for you.
This web page has as good a description of the problem as I was able to find on the internet:
Most males reach their sexual peak at age 17 or 18, and it's a long, slow slide thereafter, becoming particularly noticeable after the age of 30. It's not uncommon for an 18-year-old male to be able to achieve orgasm four to eight times in a 24-hour period, whereas most 30-year-olds are happy if they manage once.I think this is right on target, because it was after the age of 30 when I really started to notice that something was different. For some odd reason, I remember a morning when I was 24 years old and walking through the campus of my graduate school, and I had a raging hard-on because there were two hot coeds in front of me. But that kind of thing no longer happens.
I still have no problem masturbating, and despite what the above quote says, I can do it more than once in a 24-hour period. But maybe the urge to do it isn't quite as strong as it once was. And that's a good thing because masturbating is a real waste of time and mental energy that could be better spent doing just about anything else.
Just as I still masturbate despite my diminished sex drive, non-virgin men continue to have sex even though they have a diminished sex drive. This is because sex for normal men is a learned habit, and even though the raging horniness of the 18-year-old is gone, the habit of having sex remains.
But for the virginal man who has never had sex, I think that the decreasing sex drive poses a big problem. Without the strong sex drive or a long history of positive associations with sex, the act of exchanging bodily fluids is actually pretty disgusting. I didn't enjoy French kissing Rana. To put it bluntly, sticking my tongue in her mouth was gross.
It doesn't seem gross to all of you reading this because you all have so much experience doing it and thus a whole history of positive associations with it. It's kind of like touching a dead body. Gross to you, but to the medical examiner who deals with them all the time it's not gross, it's just his job. (And then of course there is necrophilia: some twisted people get off on having "sex" with corpses. Yes, it sounds gross, but I'm sure that once you get into the habit of doing it, the act no longer seems gross. Not much more gross than tasting a woman's anus.)
It looks like the problem will only get worse. At the age of 65, a man has hardly any sex drive left at all.
If there are any virginal men in their twenties who are reading this, my advice to you is please, for the love of God, start having sex now before it's too late for you.
Carr-Lisa-Catherine update
For the curious, I called Carr and Lisa today and left both of them messages. If I don't call after a certain number of days I've broken the dating etiquette and then I can never call them again. So I was forced to call them today even though I hate the phone calls because I never know what to say.
Carr: even though her anorexicness is freaky and a turn off, and I have no idea what to make of her anti-materialistic grunge clothing, I really liked talking to her, she's fun. I don't think she's into fancy restaurants so I'm not sure where I'm supposed to take her on a date. Although she didn't seem to mind the bar I took her to where the martinis cost $13.50 and there was a guy playing the piano. And she did order a martini with one of those super-fancy overpriced vodkas that the IJC guy complains about. I think that all vodkas taste the same. But maybe I should start ordering that fancy brand so people think I'm with it.
Lisa: she's very sweet, and pretty, and young looking. I think I'd like to take her to see a Broadway show. And I'll get full price orchestra seats for $110 each so I don't appear cheap. I don't want to make the mistake of Bama Girl's date. Besides, I'd like to see a musical too and I don't have anyone else to go with.
Catherine: unable to get over the fact that she looks like a lesbian. I mean, why can't she at least go to a hair stylist and pay for a nicer hairstyle? Carr had a weird hairstyle too, but she's can get way with it because she's more fun.
By the way, none of these comments should be taken to mean that I think any of these girls are somehow beneath me. They aren't. Catherine is a nice girl and I hope she finds someone who appreciates her more than I do. She's better off without a sexually dysfunctional virgin anyway.
Carr: even though her anorexicness is freaky and a turn off, and I have no idea what to make of her anti-materialistic grunge clothing, I really liked talking to her, she's fun. I don't think she's into fancy restaurants so I'm not sure where I'm supposed to take her on a date. Although she didn't seem to mind the bar I took her to where the martinis cost $13.50 and there was a guy playing the piano. And she did order a martini with one of those super-fancy overpriced vodkas that the IJC guy complains about. I think that all vodkas taste the same. But maybe I should start ordering that fancy brand so people think I'm with it.
Lisa: she's very sweet, and pretty, and young looking. I think I'd like to take her to see a Broadway show. And I'll get full price orchestra seats for $110 each so I don't appear cheap. I don't want to make the mistake of Bama Girl's date. Besides, I'd like to see a musical too and I don't have anyone else to go with.
Catherine: unable to get over the fact that she looks like a lesbian. I mean, why can't she at least go to a hair stylist and pay for a nicer hairstyle? Carr had a weird hairstyle too, but she's can get way with it because she's more fun.
By the way, none of these comments should be taken to mean that I think any of these girls are somehow beneath me. They aren't. Catherine is a nice girl and I hope she finds someone who appreciates her more than I do. She's better off without a sexually dysfunctional virgin anyway.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Bama Girl's bad date
This post is about Bama Girl's bad date. I don't wish to write negatively of someone who liked my blog enough to link to it in her blogroll. Her bad date post is not at all atypical, the blogosphere is full of girls who write posts where they pile insults onto the men who had the gall to pay for their evening. And this is pretty typical of the conversations I overhear when I'm with women. So I'm just using Bama Girl's post because I happened to read it a few days ago and I'm using it to illustrate a point.
So anyway, let us examine Bama Girl's post:
There is seemingly no correlation between the price of food and how good it tastes. The place where I took Lisa had more expensive dishes on the menu, but the food actually sucked.
Also, I'm sure that if the late John F Kennedy, Jr. (who also failed the bar exam several times) had been her date, she wouldn't have been compaining about this.
I would understand how this might be a problem if Bama Girl had graduated from Yale Law School and was editor of the Law Review, but I don't see any evidence in her blog that she is a brilliant scholar. (Of course she might be and she just chooses not to write about this aspect of herself.)
In fact, I think that her date deserves a lot of respect for being able to rise above his trailer park background and graduate from law school. It's easy for some kid with rich parents to graduate from law school, but not so easy for a guy like her date.
Once again, this seems to be a money issue. Anyone who can't afford to live in Manhattan isn't good enough for Bama Girl.
Maybe her date has enough money to afford Manhattan, but he chooses to be financially responsible and he saves his money so in the future he will have savings to buy a house, raise children, and eventually retire. God forbid that a man doesn't blow 100% of his salary trying to impress women!
I previously wrote in my blog about how Jane got free tickets to a play, and instead of being outraged about how cheap she was, I really appreciated her efforts.
Once again, my intent isn't to pick apart Bama Girl who is a typical girl who lives in Manhattan, I'm just pointing out the incredibly hypocritical double standard in which a small group of bitter women surf the web looking to get pissed about something, and they seem to get pissed about my blog and leave me nasty comments. There are no nasty comments on Bama Girl's blog even though she's a lot meaner than I am. This is the double standard.
So anyway, let us examine Bama Girl's post:
I agreed to go out with him because he seemed nice and I had no date for Valentines as of yet, so why not. Wow would I regret that decision.I don't think that I've ever written on this blog that I "regretted" any dates I've been on, and I'm the one who has been paying for them.
He took me to a mediocre restaurant in a terrible location, Patsy's at 59th and Lex. Yeah, that one. Don't get me wrong, its nice, but not first date nice.I think that Bama Girl is referring to this place which is across the street from the California Pizza Kitchen. The most expensive thing on the menu is only $14.95, so this seems primarily a complaint that he didn't spend enough money. If you are also observant, you will note that, as typical of all NYC Italian restuarants, everything is ala carte, so for a meal where both people order a salad, a desert, and one drink, the bill at this "cheap" restaurant with 8.625% sales tax and tip can still top $80.
There is seemingly no correlation between the price of food and how good it tastes. The place where I took Lisa had more expensive dishes on the menu, but the food actually sucked.
1. While he did attend Law School, he failed the bar three times. Idiot.Lisa failed the bar exam, but did you see me say she was an idiot, or even mention this as any sort of significant factor? No.
Also, I'm sure that if the late John F Kennedy, Jr. (who also failed the bar exam several times) had been her date, she wouldn't have been compaining about this.
I would understand how this might be a problem if Bama Girl had graduated from Yale Law School and was editor of the Law Review, but I don't see any evidence in her blog that she is a brilliant scholar. (Of course she might be and she just chooses not to write about this aspect of herself.)
2. His mom lives in a trailer in Jersey and she is a chain smoker. Gross on so many levels.People can't help who their parents are. How did the chain smoking and the trailer come up in conversation? It's not clear, but I've noticed that when I'm on dates, girls often ask me about my parents. I'm assuming that Bama Girl asked some questions about his parents and her date answered honestly.
In fact, I think that her date deserves a lot of respect for being able to rise above his trailer park background and graduate from law school. It's easy for some kid with rich parents to graduate from law school, but not so easy for a guy like her date.
3. He lives in Jersey and plans to live there for a long time. Words cannot explain.This is why I pay $2000+ a month to live in Manhattan. If I lived elsewhere I'd be doomed to remain a virgin for the rest of my life.
Once again, this seems to be a money issue. Anyone who can't afford to live in Manhattan isn't good enough for Bama Girl.
Maybe her date has enough money to afford Manhattan, but he chooses to be financially responsible and he saves his money so in the future he will have savings to buy a house, raise children, and eventually retire. God forbid that a man doesn't blow 100% of his salary trying to impress women!
4. He bought tickets to Rent because he was able to get a discount through the company. Cheap and proud of it.Considering that full price orchestra seats to Rent cost $95 per ticket, not including service charges, it's hard to fault her date for going a less expensive route.
I previously wrote in my blog about how Jane got free tickets to a play, and instead of being outraged about how cheap she was, I really appreciated her efforts.
After Rent, he took me home by subway. Which is fine, I don't mind that,Actually she does seem to mind it. Once again, her date is criticized for not spending enough money.
dumb fuckI've never said that about any of my dates.
Once again, my intent isn't to pick apart Bama Girl who is a typical girl who lives in Manhattan, I'm just pointing out the incredibly hypocritical double standard in which a small group of bitter women surf the web looking to get pissed about something, and they seem to get pissed about my blog and leave me nasty comments. There are no nasty comments on Bama Girl's blog even though she's a lot meaner than I am. This is the double standard.
Friday, January 13, 2006
Lisa
Lisa is so sweet and pretty.
But she's not what would conventionally be called "hot" or "sexy," and she's ever so slightly overweight (which looks cute on her), and there is even a slight dorkiness about her, and all this is good because maybe she's not asked out by men 24/7 so I have a chance with her.
Normally when I like a girl as much as I like Lisa, she doesn't want to see me again. This is not a self deprecating comment, it's an unfortunate observation.
Carr was still more fun but Carr is just a unique individual. For all I know, Carr doesn't want to see me again either.
And Catherine: she just looks too butch, and Carr and Lisa both have better personalities to boot (even though they are both vastly different). The only thing Catherine has going for her is if I ever buy an old coop or condo, Catherine could install new bathroom fixtures for me.
There's lots of other stuff I want to blog about, like somatypes and Bama Girl's bad date, and there are several comments I'd like to respond to, so hopefully I'll be motivated to put up more posts this weekend.
But she's not what would conventionally be called "hot" or "sexy," and she's ever so slightly overweight (which looks cute on her), and there is even a slight dorkiness about her, and all this is good because maybe she's not asked out by men 24/7 so I have a chance with her.
Normally when I like a girl as much as I like Lisa, she doesn't want to see me again. This is not a self deprecating comment, it's an unfortunate observation.
Carr was still more fun but Carr is just a unique individual. For all I know, Carr doesn't want to see me again either.
And Catherine: she just looks too butch, and Carr and Lisa both have better personalities to boot (even though they are both vastly different). The only thing Catherine has going for her is if I ever buy an old coop or condo, Catherine could install new bathroom fixtures for me.
There's lots of other stuff I want to blog about, like somatypes and Bama Girl's bad date, and there are several comments I'd like to respond to, so hopefully I'll be motivated to put up more posts this weekend.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Bright Pleiades
Carr went to a Seven Sisters school. So did Lisa. So did Catherine. Is this some kind of freaky coincidence?
Like I said in my previous post, Carr was fun. Lot's of fun. After our date, I walked home smiling because I had so much fun talking to her. I never had so much fun on a date, even though it was only two hours.
But does my penis like her? Not really. At least she doesn't look butch like Catherine, but neither is she espcially pretty, and she's too skinny, almost anorexic looking. I don't like girls who are too fat but neither do I like them too skinny. I like the Goldilocks girl who's just right.
But she's low maintenance and so much fun, even though she's nerdy and geeky. I'd like to hang out with her again even though my penis doesn't approve. I wish she could gain some weight but I guess that's not going to happen.
I sure wish I could be more like Fred and get turned on by anything that didn't have a Y chromosone.
Like I said in my previous post, Carr was fun. Lot's of fun. After our date, I walked home smiling because I had so much fun talking to her. I never had so much fun on a date, even though it was only two hours.
But does my penis like her? Not really. At least she doesn't look butch like Catherine, but neither is she espcially pretty, and she's too skinny, almost anorexic looking. I don't like girls who are too fat but neither do I like them too skinny. I like the Goldilocks girl who's just right.
But she's low maintenance and so much fun, even though she's nerdy and geeky. I'd like to hang out with her again even though my penis doesn't approve. I wish she could gain some weight but I guess that's not going to happen.
I sure wish I could be more like Fred and get turned on by anything that didn't have a Y chromosone.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
The Russian waitress and Catherine and Lisa
RUSSIAN WAITRESS
I went out to lunch with co-workers, and the waitress was this very pretty tall blonde Russian girl. It made me so sad that there is such prettiness and I can't possess any of it. I think I could cry.
CATHERINE
I met her at a bar, one that she recommended. It was only $5 for a beer. Wow, cheap prices!
She looks butch.
She's a nice girl
She looks butch.
Since she was so nice, I suggested that we go eat dinner. So after our beers we went to eat at a restaurant she recommended. Wow, the food was cheap! Only forty dollars for both of us and that included drinks. And I also think she sincerely wanted to offer to pay for half of the meal and it wasn't just a test to determine if I would take her up on the offer and therefore not be boyfriend material. But being the gentleman that I am I insisted on paying.
She looks butch.
For undergraduate school she went to one of those Seven Sisters schools. A lot of lesbian girls go to those places.
She looks butch.
After our date was over, she evidently wanted me to kiss her goodbye, on the lips. That's nice of her. I obliged.
She looks butch.
I should probably go out with her again because she's nice and she seems to like me and I really need the experience of having a girlfriend and losing my virginity.
LISA
Who is Lisa? I sent out 38 emails to "women" on the online dating service, and so far Lisa is the only one who gave me her phone number. (Making my online dating hit rate somewhat better than Rick's. If you're the kind of guy who can go to a club and get girls' phone numbers, then you're a lot better off doing that.)
Lisa is not some ugly desperate girl. She looks pretty hot in her photos, she's several years younger than me, and she went to a good college and she has a graduate degree. It makes you wonder what the catch is.
So I talked to her on the phone this evening (in fact I just got off the phone a few minutes ago). She sounds so incredibly sweet and feminine. Wow! I think I could fall in love with her based solely on her voice.
We're going to go out for dinner this Friday after work. I want to pick a really nice restaurant to impress her.
I went out to lunch with co-workers, and the waitress was this very pretty tall blonde Russian girl. It made me so sad that there is such prettiness and I can't possess any of it. I think I could cry.
CATHERINE
I met her at a bar, one that she recommended. It was only $5 for a beer. Wow, cheap prices!
She looks butch.
She's a nice girl
She looks butch.
Since she was so nice, I suggested that we go eat dinner. So after our beers we went to eat at a restaurant she recommended. Wow, the food was cheap! Only forty dollars for both of us and that included drinks. And I also think she sincerely wanted to offer to pay for half of the meal and it wasn't just a test to determine if I would take her up on the offer and therefore not be boyfriend material. But being the gentleman that I am I insisted on paying.
She looks butch.
For undergraduate school she went to one of those Seven Sisters schools. A lot of lesbian girls go to those places.
She looks butch.
After our date was over, she evidently wanted me to kiss her goodbye, on the lips. That's nice of her. I obliged.
She looks butch.
I should probably go out with her again because she's nice and she seems to like me and I really need the experience of having a girlfriend and losing my virginity.
LISA
Who is Lisa? I sent out 38 emails to "women" on the online dating service, and so far Lisa is the only one who gave me her phone number. (Making my online dating hit rate somewhat better than Rick's. If you're the kind of guy who can go to a club and get girls' phone numbers, then you're a lot better off doing that.)
Lisa is not some ugly desperate girl. She looks pretty hot in her photos, she's several years younger than me, and she went to a good college and she has a graduate degree. It makes you wonder what the catch is.
So I talked to her on the phone this evening (in fact I just got off the phone a few minutes ago). She sounds so incredibly sweet and feminine. Wow! I think I could fall in love with her based solely on her voice.
We're going to go out for dinner this Friday after work. I want to pick a really nice restaurant to impress her.
Monday, January 9, 2006
Carr calls!
She called me. Yay! She's this total party chick. She was telling me a story about how she was sneaking vodka into a club in San Diego. She sounds like ten times more fun than some "woman" who would post an ad on an internet dating service. I think she's only in her twenties. I didn't ask because you're never supposed to ask a woman her age, right?
I'm going to meet Carr for drinks after work on Thursday, and I can tell that she intends to put a few down.
I'm going to meet Carr for drinks after work on Thursday, and I can tell that she intends to put a few down.
Sunday, January 8, 2006
Women only want men who look like models
In a review of Yahoo Personals, Rick writes the following:
I was one this site for 2 months and sent out 100 introduction letters. I got 1 reply from a stripper, now I have dated strippers in my youth, but I am looking for something more now. So I tried an experiment. I changed my photo for that of a model about my age, and changed nothing else. Then I sent the exact introduction letters to the same 100 women. Amazinglt I had an 85% return, don't figure.
I was one this site for 2 months and sent out 100 introduction letters. I got 1 reply from a stripper, now I have dated strippers in my youth, but I am looking for something more now. So I tried an experiment. I changed my photo for that of a model about my age, and changed nothing else. Then I sent the exact introduction letters to the same 100 women. Amazinglt I had an 85% return, don't figure.
On the one hand, someone might say "duh!" But the problem here is that women like to claim some sort of moral superiority in the dating game. They will have you believe that men care about nothing but looks, but women are into the deep qualities like intelligence, commitment, and niceness (whatever that means). But the moral superiority is false; women are just as superficial as men.In fact, I am sure that there are a lot of "nice guys" out there (recall that the majority of men are "nice guys") who would like to date an average looking woman, but those same women are holding out for an alpha-male type. This is why there are so many unmarried people in their thirties.
Catherine
I was just writing about internet dating in the last post, and then what happens? A woman sends me an unsolicited email via the internet dating service that I belong to. I guess it's not true that all women only want men who look like models. It just applies to most women.
I already spoke to Catherine on the phone (why not Cathy?) and I'm going to meet her for drinks after work on Wednesday. We live in the same neighborhood and she went graduate school where I went to undergraduate school.
I have to emphasize how weird it is that a woman would contact me first on an internet dating services. The last two times were Rana and Yoko and neither of those worked out so well. Catherine seems better. She was born in the United States, a big plus in my book. She's low maintenance (she lives in a non-doorman building making her lower maintenance than me!), and she's not ugly (she's average looking as far as I can tell from her photos). So what's the catch? If I never write anything in the blog again after Tuesday, the catch is that she's a crazy serial killer who meets men online and then kills them.
Carr update: still haven't spoken to her yet but I left her another message.
I already spoke to Catherine on the phone (why not Cathy?) and I'm going to meet her for drinks after work on Wednesday. We live in the same neighborhood and she went graduate school where I went to undergraduate school.
I have to emphasize how weird it is that a woman would contact me first on an internet dating services. The last two times were Rana and Yoko and neither of those worked out so well. Catherine seems better. She was born in the United States, a big plus in my book. She's low maintenance (she lives in a non-doorman building making her lower maintenance than me!), and she's not ugly (she's average looking as far as I can tell from her photos). So what's the catch? If I never write anything in the blog again after Tuesday, the catch is that she's a crazy serial killer who meets men online and then kills them.
Carr update: still haven't spoken to her yet but I left her another message.
Friday, January 6, 2006
Twenty thousand dollar week
The value of my investments is up more than $20,000 this week. I sure hope this is a prelude to a financially successful year.
On the one hand, it's cool seeing a $20,000 increase in just a week because some people toil away for a whole year and make less than that. On the other hand, lots of men my age with better jobs, like investment bankers, partners at big law firms and Carr's friend's brother-in-law, earn $20,000 in salary every week of the year and they laugh at my puny lucky week in the market.
Carr update: she doesn't answer her work phone either. Haven't talked to her yet. I did leave a message once so she knows I haven't forgotten her.
On the one hand, it's cool seeing a $20,000 increase in just a week because some people toil away for a whole year and make less than that. On the other hand, lots of men my age with better jobs, like investment bankers, partners at big law firms and Carr's friend's brother-in-law, earn $20,000 in salary every week of the year and they laugh at my puny lucky week in the market.
Carr update: she doesn't answer her work phone either. Haven't talked to her yet. I did leave a message once so she knows I haven't forgotten her.
Tuesday, January 3, 2006
Carr
A few posts ago I mentioned the girl Carr whom I met at a club and who gave me her phone number.
I thought Carr had decided that she wasn't interested in me, but she left a message on my voicemail today asking me to call her at work tomorrow, and she left her work phone number. Cool. Maybe, because it was so dark in the club and she was drunk, she doesn't realize what a loser I am.
I find it difficult to remember much about Carr, except that she was short and thin and had dark less-than-shoulder length hair and pale skin. And she was wearing lavender nail polish. She's not the type I get the hots for, but beggars can't be choosers, and also some men would like her, so people who see us together wouldn't think I'm settling for her because I'm desperate, which would be the case with certain other girl's I've dated in the past few months.
Certain commenters who think I am fixated on looks (and maybe I am) will criticize me for not talking about her personality. Well, to tell you the truth, I know very little about her personality. I mean, how much of a person's personality can you really glean from fifteen minutes of conversation in a noisy club? But I'm certain that she's way cooler than either Yoko or Rana.
I do remember that Carr's girl friend's brother-in-law was the former CEO of the company I work for. This means that her friend's sister is filthy rich. (I looked on the internet to see how many shares of stock he used to own, and he had a golden parachute too. Holy!)
Is it weird that she wants me to call her at work? I have no privacy where I work. The guys next to me will overhear my whole conversation. This might be a good thing; they'll get the false impression that I'm a cool guy who meets girls at clubs and I'm not some loser virgin like I really am.
I thought Carr had decided that she wasn't interested in me, but she left a message on my voicemail today asking me to call her at work tomorrow, and she left her work phone number. Cool. Maybe, because it was so dark in the club and she was drunk, she doesn't realize what a loser I am.
I find it difficult to remember much about Carr, except that she was short and thin and had dark less-than-shoulder length hair and pale skin. And she was wearing lavender nail polish. She's not the type I get the hots for, but beggars can't be choosers, and also some men would like her, so people who see us together wouldn't think I'm settling for her because I'm desperate, which would be the case with certain other girl's I've dated in the past few months.
Certain commenters who think I am fixated on looks (and maybe I am) will criticize me for not talking about her personality. Well, to tell you the truth, I know very little about her personality. I mean, how much of a person's personality can you really glean from fifteen minutes of conversation in a noisy club? But I'm certain that she's way cooler than either Yoko or Rana.
I do remember that Carr's girl friend's brother-in-law was the former CEO of the company I work for. This means that her friend's sister is filthy rich. (I looked on the internet to see how many shares of stock he used to own, and he had a golden parachute too. Holy!)
Is it weird that she wants me to call her at work? I have no privacy where I work. The guys next to me will overhear my whole conversation. This might be a good thing; they'll get the false impression that I'm a cool guy who meets girls at clubs and I'm not some loser virgin like I really am.
Monday, January 2, 2006
Nice guys, jerks, and the 80/20 Rule
Many of the comments on my blog refer to "nice guys" and "jerks." Apparently the universe of men is divided into these two categories, yet the terms are strangely undefined.
It seems to me that the two terms are simply synonymous with the bio-evolutionary terms of the "alpha-male" (or jerk) who has lots of sex, and the "beta-male" (or nice guy) who has little sex. To the extent that how much sex a man has affects his personality, it's obvious that the guy getting a lot of sex doesn't have to be very nice because he's getting what he wants (sex) anyway. Why bother to put in the effort to be nice when it's not necessary?
Or maybe "nice," to a woman, means a guy who wants a long term relationship and not just a quick conquest. But the very definition of the alpha-male is that he's going to have sex with lots of women, so obviously he's not going to stick around. It's not in his nature. In this sense, a "nice alpha-male" is an oxymoron.
Although woman say they don't want to have sex with jerks, in fact women are biologically programmed to want to have sex with alpha-males. I explained this in my previous post about insecurities and evolutionary biology. Don't doubt the power of our biological instincts; without them we wouldn't even be having any sex at all.
Based on the Pareto Principle, also known as the 80/20 Rule, among single men there is surely a small number of alpha-males who are having the lion's share of the sex. Perhaps 20% of the men are having 80% of the sex. Maybe this is even higher. Maybe 10% of men are having 90% of the sex.
Even going with the more conservative 80/20 ratio, this numerical analysis brings us to a shocking conlusion. If a typical woman has had sex with five men, then statistically four of those men will be from the 20% of men who are alpha-males or "jerks." So a woman believes that "nearly all men are jerks," even though it's not true; only 20% of the men are jerks, but jerks comprise 80% of the men that she has had sex with. She has a completely distorted view of what men are really like because the type of man she usually has sex with is not representative of the average man.
It seems to me that the two terms are simply synonymous with the bio-evolutionary terms of the "alpha-male" (or jerk) who has lots of sex, and the "beta-male" (or nice guy) who has little sex. To the extent that how much sex a man has affects his personality, it's obvious that the guy getting a lot of sex doesn't have to be very nice because he's getting what he wants (sex) anyway. Why bother to put in the effort to be nice when it's not necessary?
Or maybe "nice," to a woman, means a guy who wants a long term relationship and not just a quick conquest. But the very definition of the alpha-male is that he's going to have sex with lots of women, so obviously he's not going to stick around. It's not in his nature. In this sense, a "nice alpha-male" is an oxymoron.
Although woman say they don't want to have sex with jerks, in fact women are biologically programmed to want to have sex with alpha-males. I explained this in my previous post about insecurities and evolutionary biology. Don't doubt the power of our biological instincts; without them we wouldn't even be having any sex at all.
Based on the Pareto Principle, also known as the 80/20 Rule, among single men there is surely a small number of alpha-males who are having the lion's share of the sex. Perhaps 20% of the men are having 80% of the sex. Maybe this is even higher. Maybe 10% of men are having 90% of the sex.
Even going with the more conservative 80/20 ratio, this numerical analysis brings us to a shocking conlusion. If a typical woman has had sex with five men, then statistically four of those men will be from the 20% of men who are alpha-males or "jerks." So a woman believes that "nearly all men are jerks," even though it's not true; only 20% of the men are jerks, but jerks comprise 80% of the men that she has had sex with. She has a completely distorted view of what men are really like because the type of man she usually has sex with is not representative of the average man.
Sunday, January 1, 2006
Response to some comments
Amanda:
On the other hand, I suspect you are attributing more "emotional maturity" to non-virginal men than they actually have. Men have just learned to tell women what they want to hear so they can get laid. That's not maturity, it's acting.
Fred:
As far as masturbating goes, I do it too much. It's a learned habit. Masturbating for twenty-five years without ever doing the real thing is obviously a very bad habit. The brain learns to respond to the hand instead of a live woman.
The thought of tasting a woman's anus: yuck.
Anonymous:
Are there any therapists who treat virgins? I can't find any by searching Google. My blog shows up. But do a search for therapists who treat fear of flying, and you get a whole bunch of results. Yet it's a lot easier to cure fear of flying. All you have to do is buy a ticket, sit in the plane, and no matter how scared shitless you are the plane will take off and land.
It doesn't work the same way with virginity or relationships. Fear itself prevents the virgin from meeting women and from interacting successfully with them. Women like confident men, not scared men.
After I started this blog, I came closer to having sex than I ever had in my whole life. If it wasn't for what might be a sex drive issue, I wouldn't be a virgin any longer. So I wouldn't say that the blog isn't helping.
Anyway, unless you can recommend a therapist who has successfully treated older men who were virgins, this advice is completely useless.
Since you haven't had the same sexual experiences that most adults have had you're sort of stunted in terms of your sexual development. I wonder if this also contributes to your obvious lack of emotional maturity? Most 14 year old virgins are only interested in pretty girls with hot bodies. It is possible that the same is true of 40 year old virgins?Just as they say you have to crawl before you can walk, perhaps you need to experience relationships based purely on lust, as typical of a high school kid, before you're ready for a deeper more intellectual adult relationship based on mutual interests.
On the other hand, I suspect you are attributing more "emotional maturity" to non-virginal men than they actually have. Men have just learned to tell women what they want to hear so they can get laid. That's not maturity, it's acting.
Fred:
Just found your blog,
I think you are a witty and charming guy, and I think your biggest problem is a very low sex drive. You are almost A sexual from what I can tell. I suspect you dont masturbate much? I am not trying to be offensive here, its just my 2 cents. your situation is tough.
I am the total opposite of you. I am very horny and promiscuise. I the feel and taste of a womans body, especially her vagina and anus. In my 36 years, I have had about 50 girlfriends and one night stands. I have also had sex with over 500 prostitutes. I live in Europe BTW where it is more socially acceptable to admit that you have had sex with a hooker.I do have a sex drive problem. I didn't always have this problem. When I was a teenager I was always getting sexually excited. I think it's normal for men to lose their sex drives as they get older, but it's not something talked about much because men don't want to admit it. But where the drive is lost, learned habit takes over and allows the man with the flagging sex drive to continue to have an active sex life. I've read that the flagging sex drive actually makes the man better at sex because he can hold it in longer and prolong the woman's experience. The horny teenager will shoot his wad in thirty seconds.
As far as masturbating goes, I do it too much. It's a learned habit. Masturbating for twenty-five years without ever doing the real thing is obviously a very bad habit. The brain learns to respond to the hand instead of a live woman.
The thought of tasting a woman's anus: yuck.
Anonymous:
You need therapy to overcome your deep seated problems. This blog isn't helping, it's making it worse.I get this comment a zillion times. I refer you to my post about the 49-year-old virgin who was screwed (only figuratively) by therapists.
Are there any therapists who treat virgins? I can't find any by searching Google. My blog shows up. But do a search for therapists who treat fear of flying, and you get a whole bunch of results. Yet it's a lot easier to cure fear of flying. All you have to do is buy a ticket, sit in the plane, and no matter how scared shitless you are the plane will take off and land.
It doesn't work the same way with virginity or relationships. Fear itself prevents the virgin from meeting women and from interacting successfully with them. Women like confident men, not scared men.
After I started this blog, I came closer to having sex than I ever had in my whole life. If it wasn't for what might be a sex drive issue, I wouldn't be a virgin any longer. So I wouldn't say that the blog isn't helping.
Anyway, unless you can recommend a therapist who has successfully treated older men who were virgins, this advice is completely useless.
No more Yoko
Can't stand her anymore.
After only three dates where I spent a total of about $400 to $500 (she likes to order stuff that contains lobster) and had to take a cab half a mile because she can't walk, do I need to tell her anything, or do I just stop answering her phone calls and emails until she gives up?
After only three dates where I spent a total of about $400 to $500 (she likes to order stuff that contains lobster) and had to take a cab half a mile because she can't walk, do I need to tell her anything, or do I just stop answering her phone calls and emails until she gives up?
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