Almost 40-Year-Old Virgin: Asian white interracial couples

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Asian white interracial couples

As I walked around Manhattan today I observed all the mixed race couples. It seemed like for every couple in which there was an Asian woman with an Asian man there was another couple where the Asian woman was with a white man. But I saw no couples where the man was Asian and the woman was white.

The absence of the latter type of interracial couple is easy to explain. Once I was hanging out at a bar with these two older divorced white women whom I knew (they were only one or two years older than me and that was several years ago so they were in their mid thirties), and one of them said something like "I could go for a black guy." I couldn't resist the temptation to ask, "what about an Asian guy?" In response they both laughed derisively at the suggestion. I felt sorry for the poor Asian men who were so contemptible to them.

But white men don't have contempt for Asian women. The only unanswered question is whether there are a lot of white men with Asian fetishes, or if white men are settling for Asian women because no white women are interested in them. It's very common in these Asian female/white male couples for the guy to be sort of nerdy looking. The sort of guy that white women aren't interested in. Like me.

Asian girls, on the other hand, might actually like the somewhat geeky white guy. Unlike the typical white woman who is just seeking a casual fling with an alpha male, Asian women are more likely to be seeking boyfriends who would be good husband material: a smart guy who is interesting to talk to, has a decent career, and who would make a good father. This is probably cultural. Asian women born in the U.S. whose parents were also born here probably act just like typical white women, but on the other hand one should never discard the possibility that there are some genetically based behavioral differences.

But this doesn't explain why Asian women would go after geeky white guys when there are so many Asian guys who need a girlfriend. The Japanese girl I dated a few years ago (I should probably write a post about that) told me that she was only interested in white men. And she really seemed to like me. She said she never met anyone as smart as me and that's what she wanted in a guy. It should have been really good for my ego, but I think the message I got was that only Asian girls might be interested in me as a boyfriend. It sure is a shame that white women don't get hot for intelligent men they way Asian women do.

I got a good look at one of the Asian/white couples I saw today. The guy had curly red hair and wire frame glasses, looked slightly overweight and out of shape, definitely a nerdy looking guy. His Asian girlfriend/wife was short and had a bad complexion and was not attractive at all. I thought "ha, the Chinese girl I'm going out with this week is way hotter than this guy's girlfriend/wife and she probably makes three times as much money as her too!" I felt like the Big Alpha Male among the nerdy guys who date Asian girls. It felt good to feel manly like that.

KELLY

Yes, she called me back and I'm taking her to a second tier sushi place for an after work date. Second tier in Manhattan means not first tier like Nobu or Asia de Cuba. Zagat says the restaurant we are going to has a "hopping sushi scene," whatever that means. I hope the sushis don't hop off the tray before I can eat them.

CARR

She called me back too, and she left a message, but she said she's going to be somewhere tonight. It's cool that two girls, neither of whom are fat or butch or otherwise disgusting (although Carr could do with gaining some weight) want to see me again.

31 Comments:

All you write about is how people look! Blah blah blah whine whine whine, you have the maturity of a 13 year old, you can't possibly be almost 40 the blog most be a hoax, you're a loser, grow up or you won't ever get laid. And the post is racist too.

I wrote this comment first so you don't have to.

By Almost 40-year-old virgin, at 1/29/2006 7:57 PM
Anonymous, one comment out of fifteen says that. Unfortunately

those are the ones you respond to.

When someone writes something normal and logical, or asks a good quetion, you don't respond.

But you always respond to the person who writes "dude whiy haventt you fukt anyone yet."

The rest complain that you say things that don't make sense, like this:

"Unlike the typical white woman who is just seeking a casual fling with an alpha male"

Yeah, single women NEVER want husbands, or stable, smart, nice guys. We love it when we get used and hurt by one-night stands.

If the only women you met are out for flings, why are you chasing women like that? You need to accept some of the responsibility if something is leading you to the women out there who are only out for sex - and if that was true, you'd have gotten lucky by now. And if they're only out for alpha males, there'd be a lot of horny women around, and you'd still have gotten lucky by now.

Do you ever learn anything?

As for Asians and that sort of thing, I hear comments on that a lot, so I wouldn't say you're a racist, but here's something to think about: you would not notice if an Italian woman was with an Irish guy on the street, or a French girl with a Hungarian guy, etc., etc., but since Asians have noticeable features, people are always pointing out couples with Asians in them, and discussing fetishes or coming up with theories. I have known a lot of Asian women who are just normal and want the same things anyone else wants in a guy. But people see them with someone who is not Asian (doesn't it make sense that in America they'd meet plenty of non-Asians?!) and they make assumptions. I am a white Jewish woman who has dated white, generally nerdy guys, and guess what...if I was walking down the street with one, you wouldn't have noticed it. And you don't notice most white-and-white couples, no matter what their ancestry.

Also, I would date an Asian guy if there were more of them who were book-nerds, because that's what I'm into. Most of the ones I've met have been science nerds. Note that I say "most of the ones I've met," unlike you, virgin, who get back at the women of the world by using phrases like "the typical white woman" as if you know all women.

Let me ask you a question, Virg, and note that I have not called you a name or anything like that. Instead of my saying "most of the ones I've met," should I have said, "Asian men are all science geeks"? yes or no...

I'm sure there are some Asian guys who'd have things in common with me, and I'd be happy to meet one. That's the attitude you need to have with women.

Notice I didn't say you were immature, a loser (you're the one who keeps saying that, by the way) or anything else. You just have a lot of hostility and you blame all the women you haven't met for the fact that the ones you have met haven't 'done' you. It's somethign I understand.

But if you blame every new woman you meet for the fact that other women have ignored you, is that good for them, or you?

By Anonymous, at 1/29/2006 10:43 PM
I think it's even more amazing that there are two normal non-butch, non-fat, non-disgusting single girls in New York to begin with!!! How can that be, Virgin??? Wow!!!! Better act fast, because some Alphadog will come along and wolf them down. Then you'll be stuck with the other 3.1 million single women left in New York, all of whom must have something seriously wrong with them because they haven't been kind enough yet to sleep with you.

By Anonymous, at 1/29/2006 11:22 PM
"It's very common in these Asian female/white male couples for the guy to be sort of nerdy looking. The sort of guy that white women aren't interested in. Like me."

As usual your perceptions of what every woman wants is skewed. Here we go again..I am such a loser, oh woe is me! Blah Blah Blah...

By Sky, at 1/30/2006 8:55 AM
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

By ThreeCharlie, at 1/30/2006 9:04 AM
You suck. Please get hit by a car.

By Anonymous, at 1/30/2006 9:04 AM
The first anonymous commenter had some good things to say, so I'll echo that. Many of us don't necessarily have a "fetish" for a certain type, we just might like people who are enjoyable to be around, smart, confident, somewhat attractive, and/or funny. The Asian-American women I know are similar to the white, black, or Hispanic women I know. Some are fun, some are boring, some are smart, some are not-so-smart. I don't think I've ever met anyone that dates Asian women exclusively (although I'm sure there are a number of people out there with a strong preference for certain ethnic groups).

I would guess that most of the "Asian" people you see are at least second- or third-generation Asian-Americans. That's pretty much just as "American" as you and I, so I don't really see that much "cultural difference" coming into play.

I would also like to see you respond to some of the normal comments here, rather than just the weird ones. By the way, the last anonymous commenter ("Please get hit by a car") is a big sweetheart on the inside, I'm sure.

By FTN, at 1/30/2006 10:01 AM
Ditto what he or she just said.

And yes:

"I would also like to see you respond to some of the normal comments here, rather than just the weird ones."

The 'please get hit by a car' guy is just a jerk. Ignore him.

By Anonymous, at 1/30/2006 10:49 AM
Generalizations are always a bad thing. But as a white girl who grew up in an all-Asian environment, I like dating Asian guys. But honestly, in my experience, most of them have not wanted to date ME. And I don't have any trouble finding guys of all other racial groups to date. So perhaps not that white girls don't want to date asian guys--maybe a lot of the time it's mutual?

By --, at 1/30/2006 11:20 AM
Although, I appreciate that you are doing your best to make sense of the complicated world of dating, I have to say this post deeply offended me. Stereotyping is a very dangerous thing to do, especially when you generalize the actions of entire races based on a few observations. You are not a sociologist, so don't pretend to be one unless you enjoy getting blasted in your comments for some reason.

By asian girl who likes white boys, at 1/30/2006 11:29 AM
I'm an asian guy and I pretty much only date white women (>90% of the time). Very beautiful white women, I should add.

So it's not that uncommon.

But I will agree that it's more common to see asian women with white men than the other way around.

By Anonymous, at 1/30/2006 11:31 AM
i believe your observations to be right on.

one of my best freinds, my nerdiest friend at that, is attracted to, and likes to date asian women.

he also loves anime. maybee there's a connection......

By ren d. part, at 1/30/2006 11:45 AM
The "universe" you live in is so limited. Because you talked to two women who snickered about dating Asian men you immediately assume that ALL women are like that. Expand your universe a little and realize that everyone is different, no matter the race, size, etc. NO ONE fits into a box the way you seem to assume they do.

By askjdiwlkeijnk, at 1/30/2006 12:12 PM
discontent,

you say that because you're a woman.

there is no way to ever see your sex and how you appear to act, through our eyes.

By ren d. part, at 1/30/2006 12:36 PM
Rendapart,
you say that because you are a man.

Either sex should know that everyone is different.

Seeing things through male eyes seems to be about creating stereotypes to explain away every woman who isn't interested in YOU.

By Anonymous, at 1/30/2006 1:31 PM
I have seen plenty of asian/white couplings in New York City and some of the time it's so obvious that that dude has an asian fetish. I remember this one time I was on the train heading into manhattan, this couple comes on and the girl is sitting on his lap. he was white and she was japanese. he totally acted like she was a little doll to play with...he spoke to her like a child and would pat her head and wipe her mouth clean while she was eating...it was absolutely disqusting to watch...

True, some men just like to date women no matter what the race but the whole asian fetish is VERY much out there... especially with white men.

By Catherine Vocalist, at 1/30/2006 3:19 PM
Men also have a 'fetish' for thin women over fat, etc etc

By Anonymous, at 1/30/2006 3:27 PM
Don't use Zagat. Don't be told where to eat. Zagat is for people who can't think for themselves.

By Anonymous, at 1/30/2006 4:09 PM
"Don't use Zagat. Don't be told where to eat. Zagat is for people who can't think for themselves. "

Well I'd happily eat at a hole-in-the-wall in Hell's Kitchen, but girls like Bama Girl wouldn't appreciate that.

And a hole-in-the-wall isn't really very romantic.

By Almost 40-year-old virgin, at 1/30/2006 9:43 PM
How about creating a roadmap of how to accomplish your goals. It would seem to me that being a virgin is only a symptom and not the issue.

So, how about first, outlining your goals: Maybe- Being in a loving relationship.

Then go from there, outline why you would want to be in this relationship. Why it is important? If you didn't meet your goal how would this make you feel and why? Would this be the end of the world?

Isn't it OK to be single and content? Why or why not? Do you love yourself? Why or why not? Do you have close friends? What do they like about you? Do you feel lovable? Why or why not?

Then go into qualities of the person who you would want to have this relationship with. Then for each quality evaluate whether it's really necessary to achieving your final goal. Evaluate what it says about you.

Having outlined the person you are looking for, evaluate what you think that type of an individual would need in a mate. Do you have those qualities? Can you develop those qualities? Do you want to develop those qualities? Devise a plan to change those things that you want to change.

Where would you most likely find such an individual?

By the way, this is just my personal preference: I do not appreciate a man who tries to show that he is financially well off. Moreso, don't buy anything expensive for me in the early stage of dating. I am going to think you were trying to buy me and that you really don't have anything to offer. What happens when you have no money? The relationship ends?

What type of work do you? From what you said, it would appear as though you were successful, but for some reason you don't characterise yourself as such? Define success? Do you compare yourself to others? Is it a fair comparison? Why or why not?

So how about it? Why don't we try this. Answer the questions. Set out your plan and we'll offer the best encouragement we can.

By the by, I am a virgin myself but completely comfortable with it. People do look at me funny when I divulge this information. But once I am happy, I really don't care what the rest of the world thinks.

But alomst-40 yr virgin, the key is becoming comfortable with yourself and realising that you are worthy of being loved. Your aim shouldn't be to get laid, that's secondary to everything else.

Looking forward to you accepting the challenge.

1/29/2006 1:19 PM

By Anonymous, at 1/31/2006 12:25 AM
I was sitting in a bar in Los Angeles a couple years ago talking to a hooker (no, I didn't patronize her, I was married at the time, but if i wasn't, I probably would have).

We were discussing sex, as one would when talking to a pro. I asked her on general terms, if the sterotypes held true with regard to endowment in the ethnic races. She responded to the affirmative. Most black men are hung like horses. Most asian men are hung like tic tacs. This is probably why the two ladies laughed when queried about dating an asian man.

By Anonymous, at 1/31/2006 5:51 AM
I am a white woman married to an asian man. We live a big southern city with a large Asain population but we as a couple aren't that common. But I will tell you this, if there is a myth surrounding Asian men it's not true. As for those two old biddies laughing, I guess they just didn't find the right asain man. In my experience race does not dictate "size."

By Anonymous, at 1/31/2006 9:44 AM
>>but girls like Bama Girl wouldn't appreciate that.

Don't date girls like Bama Girl.

Is it that hard to figure out?

I'd happily eat at a chain restaurant on a date. It's simple. But then again, I date down-to-earth people.

By Anonymous, at 1/31/2006 6:25 PM
You seem to stereotype everyone, including yourself, before they get the chance to put you in a sterotype. Your observations are, as someone said earlier, extremely skewed. Just to throw your concept off-balance, my Mum is white and my dad is Asian, both of whom are attractive. Or is that merely an anomoly?
I'm weirded out by your theories to be honest...They have little substance behind them.

By Anonymous, at 2/04/2006 10:51 AM
"Although, I appreciate that you are doing your best to make sense of the complicated world of dating, I have to say this post deeply offended me. Stereotyping is a very dangerous thing to do, especially when you generalize the actions of entire races based on a few observations. You are not a sociologist, so don't pretend to be one unless you enjoy getting blasted in your comments for some reason."
Baasically-ditto.

By Anonymous, at 2/04/2006 10:55 AM
But white men don't have contempt for Asian women.

Riiiiight. Because they want to fuck them, they must not have comtempt for them. And those white women certainly have no contempt for black men cause they would "go for" them.

It sure is a shame that white women don't get hot for intelligent men they way Asian women do.

It is? Why is that? Is it not a shame that black or latina women don't get hot for intelligent men (I mean, since we're generalizing).

I thought "ha, the Chinese girl I'm going out with this week is way hotter than this guy's girlfriend/wife and she probably makes three times as much money as her too!" I felt like the Big Alpha Male among the nerdy guys who date Asian girls. It felt good to feel manly like that.

Sounds like you've got your priorities straight! No wonder you're getting laid all the time. Oh....

By Anonymous, at 2/10/2006 10:27 AM
Don’t mind these angry comments. It’s okay to want a good looking and interresting women. If she’s not fun or sassy, she better be sexy because otherwise you’re WAY better off alone. And if her looks is the only good thing about her, you ought to tell her and leave (after or before sex depends on your moral convictions).
Asian guys are generally less successful because women assume they have smalle penises, bottom-line. Oh, what am I saying…women are SOOO ABOVE superficial concerns.Just watch any reality show and you’ll see by which standards guys are selected by women. The prettiest is always picked unless he’s a total moron. Feeling good about having a hot girlfriend is one of the nicest things in life, never feel ashamed of that.

By Charlie Brown, at 2/14/2006 1:51 PM
Check out these Asian-on-white (Asian guys fucking white girls) porn sites.

www.asian-man.com
www.asianguyonwhitegirl.com
www.butteroncream.com
www.pinkcrave.com
www.bordello4am.com
www.phuckfumasters.com
Not yet online (www.asiansonblondes.com)
And god knows how many more.

By donald9250, at 2/23/2006 4:02 AM
I agree with your observations. Doesn't the fact that some Asian women shut out Asian men also implies a certain degree of racism on their own part? Self-loathing? Who know.

By Anonymous, at 5/02/2007 10:05 AM
In my personal experience with one guy in particular who was a friend in college he got rejected by his white high school girlfriend who he continued to date while in college. This girl who went and lost her virginity to another guy behind his back and ever since then only dated Filipina women. Not just Asian but Filipina. He is now marrying one. The Asian Fetish developed as a reaction to one bad encounter with a white woman. He's also really geeky and always prefered women to ask him out. He was always scared to put himself out there but with Asian women he is less afraid. He's developed a hatred of white women now too and has put them down in conversation.

By Anonymous, at 8/19/2008 7:32 PM
In my personal experience with one guy in particular who was a friend in college he got rejected by his white high school girlfriend who he continued to date while in college. This girl who went and lost her virginity to another guy behind his back and ever since then only dated Filipina women. Not just Asian but Filipina. He is now marrying one. The Asian Fetish developed as a reaction to one bad encounter with a white woman. He's also really geeky and always prefered women to ask him out. He was always scared to put himself out there but with Asian women he is less afraid. He's developed a hatred of white women now too and has put them down in conversation.

By Anonymous, at 8/19/2008 7:32 PM

Almost 40-Year-Old Virgin

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Asian white interracial couples

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