Almost 40-Year-Old Virgin

Saturday, January 21, 2006

My beautiful hair stylist

The most beautiful woman that I know is my hair stylist. I think it's worth the rip-off prices I pay to get my hair cut in order to gaze at her in the mirror. To start with, she has gorgeous blonde hair, and sure you expect a hair stylist to have good hair, but hers looks really great even for a hair stylist. She has a beautiful symmetrical face with a perfect nose and pale blue eyes. She's tall and thin, but thin with muscle; she must work out with weights. During the summer she wore an outfit that displayed her stomach, and it was very flat and toned.

She always wears something fashionable, but never fashionable in a Saks Fifth Avenue way, but rather a bohemian Village way. She has tatoos on both her forearms and a tiny stud in her nose, and normally I'm not into that stuff but somehow on her it looks right, like it belongs there, and it doesn't mar her beauty.

I have a hard time placing her age; I would guess mid to late thirties but she looks really good for her age. It's so sad that a woman who looks that good would never go out with me. I'm just glad she lets me be her client. The first time I saw her I felt like she was slightly condescending, as if I wasn't quite good enough to get my haircut at such a trendy salon, but after I demonstrated that I always give a 20% tip she warmed up to me. And I think she liked the big Christmas tip I gave her in December.

Once I did go out with a girl who was almost as good looking, but in an Upper East Side brunette kind of way. My mother met her mother and that's how I got set up with her on a blind date. I couldn't believe my luck when I discovered my date was beautiful and had a great figure, and she was also the president of her sorority at an Ivy League college. I couldn't figure out why a girl like that would need to go on a blind date. Naturally she ignored my phone calls after our date until I gave up.

13 Comments:

  • Why would a girl like that "need" to go on a blind date? Same reason anyone else does - she hadn't met the right person for her yet.

    Anyway, you haven't responded to all the comments on yesterday's entry, Mr. Hoaxster. Your story has become tiresome. Good day!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1/21/2006 9:24 PM  

  • Okay, that's it! I am convinced this blog is a farce. You are NOT an almost 40 year old virgin and I am outa here. This will be the last time I post on your blog. Good luck, whoever you are (I still say you are a 20something who ISN'T a virgin).

    By Blogger joanne, at 1/22/2006 3:04 AM  

  • This is one of the worse posts I've read from you yet.

    Hair stylists TAKE ANYONE SLOB off the street. Tipping is a must regardless of who you are, what you look like, whatever. They are like a waitress/waiter. They get paid shitty by their employer and tips are what pays the bills. My best friend is a hair stylist so I know this!

    And just ask her what age she is. Or hint around it. Say my high school reunion is coming up... what year did you graduate? Any moron can figure out the math.

    By Blogger Moonchild, at 1/22/2006 11:20 AM  

  • I am being totally serious when I say this.

    Have your balls amputated.

    They're just making you miserable.

    You clearly don't "get" your gender role in this society and you have no ability to either a) find an alternative culture that embraces the role you DID adopt, or b) fake it.

    Basically, I'm saying you're not a man and your testicles are just reminding you every day of how much you aren't. Also, they're making you horny, and since you're some kind of reject (see that thing about gender roles, above) you're incapable of getting laid and adding insult to injury.

    Lose the nads.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1/22/2006 11:22 AM  

  • I say take a chance and ask her out, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Heed the moto of the British SAS, "Who Dares, Wins"

    By Blogger gus, at 1/22/2006 9:51 PM  

  • I don't know what you look like, but I think if I had your life, your face, your body, your job ... I would have a pretty good chance of getting your hairdresser. Explain that.

    By Anonymous Cameron, at 1/22/2006 11:53 PM  

  • Notice he won't respond to THESE comments, at least, not in any meaningful way - nor the ones about not stereotyping all women, etc....

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1/23/2006 10:07 AM  

  • The reason your blind date didn't call you back is because you both got set up by YOUR MOMS. I don't think most people find that to be the recipe for romance.

    As for the hairdresser, just ask her out for coffee sometime. I'm sure you're paying way too much for your haircut anyway, you might as well try to get your moneys worth.

    By Blogger FTN, at 1/23/2006 10:47 AM  

  • ftn, people have to get set up somehow. are moms any worse than jdate? i think not.

    virgy has bigger issues, like not being mean by saying all women of a certain age are (insert stereotype here) when he doesn't like the same things said about him.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1/23/2006 3:29 PM  

  • Hahaha Are You Seriously Having A Giraffe Mate..?

    Is This A Joke..?

    You Sound Like An Obsessed Stalker.

    Im Becoming a Hair Stylist..I Hope I Dont Cut Your Hair Any Time Soon..

    Hahaha..!

    xXx

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3/12/2007 12:09 PM  

  • Interesting article , you make some interesting points .

    Hair Stylists directory

    By Anonymous Hair Stylists, at 2/06/2008 1:46 AM  

  • will do good in the field of rhinoplasty.As shaping or reshaping up of nose will add different and better look to the face.This will definitely improve one's look with well suited nose structure .

    By Blogger Rhinoplasty Los Angeles, at 2/19/2008 1:05 PM  

  • Maybe you have the luck to met your dream girl but you don't have the guts to fight what you feel for her. If you really love her you will do anything to achieve her feelings and love.

    By Anonymous Stylecoach, at 7/15/2009 5:46 AM  

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