Monday, March 17, 2008


It has been a year and a half. One or two people thought I may have died, like Bob. Luckily, that didn't happen.

I was actually logging in to delete the blog, because I remembered that it was still out there, and I don't really want anyone linking it to me. But what might dissuade me from pulling the trigger are the many heartfelt emails and comments I received during the last year from other male virgins. Maybe it helps others like myself to know that they are not alone, in which case it would be selfish of me to just delete everything.

I also received a lot of spam (that's when someone hopes to make some small profit by inflicting me with his unwanted comment or email), emails from people in Africa who stand to inherit large sums of money if I will only forward them a few thousand to pay their legal fees, and invitations to appear on TV shows like Montel Williams and various reality shows. Sorry, I'm not going to make a fool of myself on national television, the modern version of the circus freak show. If people want to know my story, they can read this blog.

The last post before I left, about online gaming, was not supposed to be taken seriously, some people just don't get my sense of humor. Somehow, because I'm a virgin, this means that I'm not allowed to have a sense of humor. On the other hand, maybe I shouldn't look down on people who do find romance from online games. But I got bored with The Sims Online pretty quickly, it has to be the most boring computer game ever created.

At the moment, I don't really desire to try to lose my virginity. There was some comment during the last year where the person said that sex with a woman really isn't any better than masturbating. Masturbating is something I can feel good about, while trying to have sex with a woman will probably lead to more embarrassment and disappointment (as happened the last time). That bad experience with Rana pretty much killed it for me.

I've also come to realize that women aren't such wonderful creatures as men make them out to be. If Adolf Hitler had some magic ability to give men amazing and addictive pleasure, everyone would think very highly of him and suck up to him in order to get that pleasure out of him, but he'd still be Adolf Hitler. Last week, the governor of New York ruined his whole life, and may go to prison, all because he couldn't keep his penis in his pants. The most mean-spirited comments posted on this blog have all come from women. Most men just don't understand women's true natures because they are pussy-whipped.

Anyway, the point of the previous paragraph is that I shouldn't buy into the story that I'm not normal unless I have a sexual relationship with a woman. In Nazi Germany, they said you weren't normal unless you participated in the genocide of the Jewish people. Just because everyone says something, doesn't mean they are right.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Finding love in massively multiplayer online games

There was an article in the Wall Street Journal two weeks ago about people who got married who met in "massively multiplayer online games."

A year and a half ago I was an avid player of one of these games, Final Fantasy XI (FFXI). It was a fun game, but there weren't very many female players. And people estimate that half of the female players you did see were actually male players pretending to be female. Yuck!

But based on the Wall Street Journal's endorsement I thought that maybe I should give this another try. I needed to find a game with a better male to female ratio.

I read good things about a game called, so I installed it it, but everytime I logged on it made my computer crash and I had to reboot. I guess I need a newer computer.

Then I tried The Sims Online (TSO). TSO supposedly has the best male to female ratio of all massively multiplayer online games, but hardly anyone plays it. I can see why. It's pretty pointless. There's nothing to do. In FFXI you would join a team of other players and kill monsters. Only with good teamwork was it possible to kill them efficiently. As you killed monsters you would very slowly but surely move up in level and become morer powerful, allowing you to kill more powerful monsters. Unlike in the real world where you work and work and nothing happens, in FFXI your work is rewarded. I think this is why some people find these games so addictive.

In TSO all you do is stuff like make dinner, eat it, go to the bathroom, take a shower, sleep. I mean this is the only virtual world ever invented that is more boring than real life. But this virtual world does have a better male to female ratio than the real world. And the females are easier to talk to. Everytime I log on, my virtual roommate, MsTina starts chatting with me. MsTina is a 23 year old from Alabama and she's married to a construction worker. I told her I was 23 also. There's no point telling her I'm an old man. It's not like we're ever going to meet anyway. For all I know "she's" really some fifty year old gay guy. What's the difference?

MsTina asked me if I was dating any girls, so I told her about Marseille. She said I needed to plan my date with her long before I go on it, and that I should buy her flowers. MsTina means well. It's very sweet.

Last night I met another female sim named Celestial Skye. Skye is from Denver and she says she's a manager at a call center. She didn't say how old she was and I didn't ask. After I "hung out" with her, she gave me $10,000 sim dollars. I guess this makes me a sim gigolo or something.

The best thing about the Sims is that no one has to see what I look like in real life, and I don't have to perform sexually. All I have to do is type on my keyboard, which I am pretty good at.

I don't think I'd want to marry someone who is such a loser that they play this game.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006


I went on two dates with Marseille last summer, before I even started this blog, so I never wrote about her before. Unlike in most cases where I get scared to call the girl back after two dates, I really liked Marseille. She was so cute. But alas, after our second date, she seemed to ignore my attempts to contact her again. End of story?

One trick I learned from Yoko is that she sent me an email even after I was ignoring her. So the thought came to me, "hey, I can send Marseille an email. The worst thing that can happen is that someone who isn't going to go out with me anyway thinks I'm a loser."

So I sent Marseille an email. More than two weeks passed and it was ignored. Oh well, I guess she really couldn't stand me. But then, I received the following email:

I apologize for the delay in responding - I'm out of town, with limited access to the Internet, through the 30th.
I'd like to get together again when I'm back in the City, if you're still willing.
I was so happy that she wrote. The joy of hearing from her was a reminder of the joy I felt when Madison, my first date ever, agreed to go out with me.

So I sent her the following:
Yes Marseille, I'd still love to get back together with you when you're back in town!

Where out of town are you? Are you enjoying the trip?
And Marseille wrote back later that very day:
I'm off to Italy, Greece, and the Czech Republic - I'll tell you all about my travels upon my return! Have a great couple of weeks, and I'll get in touch when I'm back States-side.
Isn't that so cool that she gets to spend two months travelling around Europe and doesn't even have to work? I can't wait until she gets back "States-side."

Friday, May 26, 2006

Don't talk to strangers

This is what my mother told me when I was a child.

I remember once being at the supermarket with my mother, and while her back was turned some man was talking to me. When my mother saw that I was conversing with a "stranger," she yelled at me and told me never to talk to strangers.

Yes, she spent a lot of time telling me never to talk to strangers, never to get into a car with stranger, don't believe anything a stranger tells me.

I really took the instructions to heart. When my mother then introduced me to her friends, I would clam up and not say anything. After all, if I never saw them before then they were strangers to me, I was just following orders. I was completely mystified how one adult could be a bad "stranger," and another adult a good "stranger" whom I was allowed to converse with.

I believe this was really bad child raising on the part of my mother. I suppose there's no harm in telling this stuff to a child who's naturally extroverted, but for a child who is already shy, like I was, I think this is devastating. I managed to reach the age of eighteen without being kidnapped by a pervert, but I was a shy and socially inept eighteen year old, not so good at interacting with people and dreadfully afraid of girls.

Of course there are other factors at work, but I really do think the message "don't talk to strangers" contributed to my problems. People are born naturally extroverted or introverted, but I believe that social phobias like shyness or fear of sex are also the result of our environment when we are young.

A good parent would try to encourage a naturally timid child to be more open and not make the situation worse by instilling fear.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Tying up loose ends

For those people who have read all my posts about the girls I dated and want to know what happened.


I did see Miriam a second time, and we had a nice day visiting the New York Historical Society, one of my favorite art museums. She even paid for dinner. Which was quite tasty too.

The problem with Miriam is that I just can't stomach going out with a girl whose hair is going gray. I know I'm committing the sin of being a choosy beggar, but it is such a huge turnoff.


I met the objectivist girl, and although she wasn't quite as pretty as suggested by the photo, she was still kind of cute. Unfortunately I really felt like there was no chemistry at all, The conversation was very forced and uncomfortable. I'm surprised, I thought we'd have a jolly good time talking about The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged, but I guess not.


She sent me an email which I ignored.


This loose end makes me sad.

I think that this post was the last time I mentioned her. I met her for lunch, which was probably the last time we met. When we parted, I didn't know how exactly I should end things, so I kind of gave her an uncomfortable hug and peck on the cheek.

When I first me her, her appearance kind of freaked me out. She was skinny in an unpleasant anorexic looking way, and this was accentuated by the sleeveless top she wore. And her hair was a mess and her outfit was pretty unconventional. If she is in any way cute, it's only her personality which makes her cute and not the way she looks.

Yet I grew to like her and I saw her several times after our first meeting. Three additional times I think. I like her enough that I'm sad about not seeing her again, yet seeing someone on four occasions and not knowing what our relationship is supposed to be, I found this really confusing and pyschologically uncomfortable.

And I feel bad that the stock she bought on my recommendation went down. I emailed her apologizing, and she said don't worry and hinted that she'd like to see me again.

No girl as fun as Carr has ever seemed to be interested in me before. So yes, I am very sad about not writing back to her after that. Genuine tears came to me eyes while I was writing this post.

Dating optimists like to say that eventually you will meet your soulmate. I always wonder what happens if you meet your soulmate but you blow it because you are too shy/afraid to forge a romantic relationship. What if Carr was my soulmate? For a long time I thought that Jenny was my true soulmate, but I got over that eventually.

I'm returning to blogging

I've decided to return to blogging.

It occurred to me that the stories from this blog would make a great book. "Great" in the sense that I think someone would publish it and people would buy it.

So not only will I blog about my current dating situation, there will be more emotionally painful posts explaining my past, shedding more light on how I came to be the way I am.

The comments are still riddled with the usual "I think this blog is fake," and revealing that I'd like to make this into a book will only convince those that all along there was an ulterior motive. This is not true, at the beginning I had no idea that anyone would want to read this and I was just hoping to use the blogosphere as a free psychoanalyst.

One of the primary reasons why my commitment to this blog flagged is because of the many mean-spirited comments which made me feel worse than I already felt. If this blog was merely a fake persona then the comments wouldn't have gotten to me because they would have just been people insulting a fictional character.

The existence of so many disbelievers reveals how little most people understand the other people around them. Women, for example, who primarily associate with sexually agressive men (because the shy men are too shy to have female friends) judge all men based on a non-representative sample of the total universe of men.

On the other hand, I also get comments from men who are virgins or who lost their virginity late in life, and women who were in romantic relationships with older virgins (but few women have had such an experience), and there has never been a comment of the nature "hey, I'm a virgin and I know what it's like and I know your blog is fake." No, the comments from people who understand older male virgins have so far been appreciative.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Miriam calls me

Who is Miriam? I met her for coffee a weekend and a half ago, and we "hung out" for quite some time and we had an early dinner and I even paid for the dinner. It only cost $21. She's a doctor--a specialist in fact--so she probably has enough of her own money to go Dutch in the future.

Miriam can best be described as "frumpy." She wears glasses. The scariest thing about Miriam is that she has all these gray hairs. A woman in her mid thirties shouldn't have gray hairs. Hasn't she ever heard of Miss Clairol? She really needs to pay a visit to my hair stylist. She also needs to lose a few pounds.

I was kind of shocked to hear from her. This is surely the first time in my life a woman called me on the phone after a first date after which I never called her. And it was a double shock after reading all those comments about how I'm so despicable that no woman could ever like me.

And I discovered that Miriam has been reading my blog. No not this blog!!!! My other blog that no one reads. When you write about important stuff, like the war in Iraq and the next presidential election, no one wants to read it. But then I start a blog where I write about my sexual problems and I get hundreds of visits a day. It's sad that the other blog will never be as popular as this one.