Motivations

JOANNE'S COMMENT

Joanne writes:

It sounds like it's all over, Virgy. There's no point in even trying to go out with a woman if the thought of kissing makes you sick.

I've always imagined that I would like kissing, but then when it happened I didn't really like it.

So to answer the second part of the question, why am I even trying to go out with women? Here's a list of some motivations:

(1) Companionship - life is lonely if you're single and getting on in your years. Everyone is married and married people don't hang out with single people. So you're all alone unless you find someone of the opposite sex. And I'm not very good at making male friends. Somehow my virginity makes it difficult to bond with other men. Companionship seems to be the number one reason I like Carr.

(2) Habit - for whatever reasons I wanted to meet girls back when I was younger--perhaps because of the extreme horniness of youth--my mind has become in the habit of still thinking in that frame of mind even if it's no longer relevant to my current situation.

(3) Status - being seen with a beatiful woman would raise my status with my family, friends, and society in general.

(4) Desire to be normal - if you don't have a girlfriend people think you're not normal, and I just want to be normal.

(5) Wanting what I can't have - a lot of people besides me have this problem.

(6) Titillation - it's pleasurable to just be in the presence of a beautiful woman. Lots of men seem to share this motivation based on my observations.

(7) Sex - many women assume this is the "only" thing men care about, In fact, I'm sure that all men care about at least some of the other factors I mention although maybe for some (many? most? nearly all?) sex is on the very top of their list.

(8) Love - I remember what it felt like to be in love with someone, but unfortunately it was painful unrequitted love. Nevertheless, I can only imagine how great it must feel to be in a relationship where you love her and she loves you. It was this which used to be my strongest motivator for trying to meet women, but now I'm not sure. Maybe I can't fall in love again.

ANONYMOUS' COMMENT

Anonymous writes:

just tell me something, when you finally gonna fuck someone????

you are waisting your time with so many dates, pick one girl and work har until you can finally fuck her.

Anonymous makes a valid point. Obviously I'm afraid of physical intimacy and it's easier to just avoid what your afraid of. After my experience with Rana, I'm a little less afraid of physicaly intimacy but now I'm worried about not being able to perform.

And Rana made the relationship easy for me because she made all the first moves. Maybe women do this all the time when men get them hot, but since so few women feel that way about me it just never happened to me before. (However, Catherine made it clear to me that she wanted me to kiss her on the lips at the end of our date--a sort of pseodo-first move.)

Incidentally, I wonder if I'm really still a virgin in spirit, since my penis was inches away from Rana's vagina and she wanted me to be able to complete the act. Until my relationship with Rana, the hallmark of my virginity was that I had never even been remotely close to losing it.

CARR

She sent me an email on Friday. She wrote, "Hey Virgin, how are ya? got your message..... will call you this weekend ..."

KELLY

I called her a few minutes before writing this post and I left her a message on her voicemail.