Today, for only the second time in my life, I French kissed.
Let's back up a few days. This Eastern European girl named Rana contacted me on an online dating service, and I saw her for the first time on Thursday, and then again on Saturday and again today.
The bad part is that I really didn't like the kissing that much. Putting tongues into other people's mouths? Kind of yucky. I should have had a raging hard on the whole time, but I didn't. Is it because I don't find her that attractive? Or because I'm so used to pleasuring myself that I'm no longer capabable of doing it properly with a live girl?
Back when I was in high school or college, all I had to do was look at a pretty girl and then boing! This doesn't really happen anymore. This is why it's important for a guy to lose his virginity at an early age when he can get it up so easily. My flagging sex drive, combined with the fact that she's not the world's most attractive girl (but she's cute in her way) and my nervousness about doing anything sexual could be fatal to my desire to overcome my problem.
Rana could tell that something wasn't quite right. I told her I was shy. But as we know, there's a lot more going on than just me being shy.
Rana is the one making all the first moves in this relationship. I don't think I've ever met anyone who has liked me so much. Maybe it's because she's a foreigner. As I mentioned before, women are biologically programmed to avoid losers, but what makes someone a loser is very highly cultural specific, and having been in the U.S. for only three years or so, she is unable to read my loser signals.
I'm surprised that Rana is so aggressive. She comes from a country where most of the people are Muslim, so I figured she'd be really uptight and it would be safe to invite her up to my apartment. Boy was I wrong about that.
I really like the fact that someone likes me so much. I wish I found her more attractive. I don't see myself falling in love with her the way I fell in love with Jenny.
I guess Rana now thinks I'm her boyfriend, or something like that.