Response to some comments

Amanda:

Since you haven't had the same sexual experiences that most adults have had you're sort of stunted in terms of your sexual development. I wonder if this also contributes to your obvious lack of emotional maturity? Most 14 year old virgins are only interested in pretty girls with hot bodies. It is possible that the same is true of 40 year old virgins?

Just as they say you have to crawl before you can walk, perhaps you need to experience relationships based purely on lust, as typical of a high school kid, before you're ready for a deeper more intellectual adult relationship based on mutual interests.

On the other hand, I suspect you are attributing more "emotional maturity" to non-virginal men than they actually have. Men have just learned to tell women what they want to hear so they can get laid. That's not maturity, it's acting.

Fred:

Just found your blog,

I think you are a witty and charming guy, and I think your biggest problem is a very low sex drive. You are almost A sexual from what I can tell. I suspect you dont masturbate much? I am not trying to be offensive here, its just my 2 cents. your situation is tough.

I am the total opposite of you. I am very horny and promiscuise. I the feel and taste of a womans body, especially her vagina and anus. In my 36 years, I have had about 50 girlfriends and one night stands. I have also had sex with over 500 prostitutes. I live in Europe BTW where it is more socially acceptable to admit that you have had sex with a hooker.

I do have a sex drive problem. I didn't always have this problem. When I was a teenager I was always getting sexually excited. I think it's normal for men to lose their sex drives as they get older, but it's not something talked about much because men don't want to admit it. But where the drive is lost, learned habit takes over and allows the man with the flagging sex drive to continue to have an active sex life. I've read that the flagging sex drive actually makes the man better at sex because he can hold it in longer and prolong the woman's experience. The horny teenager will shoot his wad in thirty seconds.

As far as masturbating goes, I do it too much. It's a learned habit. Masturbating for twenty-five years without ever doing the real thing is obviously a very bad habit. The brain learns to respond to the hand instead of a live woman.

The thought of tasting a woman's anus: yuck.

Anonymous:

You need therapy to overcome your deep seated problems. This blog isn't helping, it's making it worse.

I get this comment a zillion times. I refer you to my post about the 49-year-old virgin who was screwed (only figuratively) by therapists.

Are there any therapists who treat virgins? I can't find any by searching Google. My blog shows up. But do a search for therapists who treat fear of flying, and you get a whole bunch of results. Yet it's a lot easier to cure fear of flying. All you have to do is buy a ticket, sit in the plane, and no matter how scared shitless you are the plane will take off and land.

It doesn't work the same way with virginity or relationships. Fear itself prevents the virgin from meeting women and from interacting successfully with them. Women like confident men, not scared men.

After I started this blog, I came closer to having sex than I ever had in my whole life. If it wasn't for what might be a sex drive issue, I wouldn't be a virgin any longer. So I wouldn't say that the blog isn't helping.

Anyway, unless you can recommend a therapist who has successfully treated older men who were virgins, this advice is completely useless.