Friday, October 14, 2005

A 49-year-old virgin

Here's a link to an article about a 49-year-old virgin, or he was a virgin until he saw a sex surrogate. Here are my thoughts on the article:

(1) The therapy industry totally screwed the guy (but unfortunately for him only in the figurative sense). He was in therapy for eighteen years but all he did was throw away his money. Finally, when he was 49, he had to convince his therapist to recommend him for the only logical treatment which is sex surrogate therapy.

Think about it. If you are afraid to swim, do you talk about it with a shrink for 18 years, or do you go find a swim instructor and take some lessons? My brief run ins with therapists when I was in my twenties quickly revealed to me how totally useless they are.

So people, stop telling me to seek therapy.

(2) The article talks about the shame of virginity:
"Every older virgin has a unique story," [pyschologist] Johnston explains. "They run the gamut from terrible shyness to emotionally barren families to sexual abuse. But all older virgins feel terrible shame. They feel embarrassed and humiliated by their lack of relationship experience." Age 30 seems to be a line of demarcation. "By 30," Blanchard explains, "older virgins feel so socially awkward and out of sync with the world around them that they choose to hide."
That's exactly how I felt. Telling Rana that I never had a girlfriend before was very difficult to do. I think this blog helped. After telling the dozens of anonymous strangers who read this blog, I was able to surmount the hurdle and tell a real live girl. This blog is better therapy for me than seeing a shrink.

(3) The article says "One potential hazard of surrogate work for older virgins is the possibility of falling in love with the surrogate partner." I can see how this is true. The first pretty girl who ever showed an interest in me was Jenny, and I fell in love with her.

Luckily I've gotten over the love hurdle. When I fell in love with Jenny, I had no idea what was happening. Now that I know what love is, I'll probably be able to block those feelings the next time around. Because of being in love with Jenny, I felt like my life wasn't worth living and I wanted to commit suicide. I don't ever want to feel that way again.

(4) The therapy described in the article doesn't sound that much different than what I got from Rana for free, so let's hope the experience will help me the next time. If there is a next time. At the moment I have no one to date. And all the girls that I like aren't interested in me because they can do better. Only the ugly ones like Rana want me.

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