Thoughts on Rana

I saw Rana again tonight. We just went to dinner and walked around the city. We didn't go to anyone's apartment.

I still don't like kissing her. I think I like it even less. She keeps wanting to stick her tongue in my mouth all the time. Even in public.

I am incredibly grateful to her for what she has tried to do for me, and for the fact that she likes me so much. I don't understand why she likes me so much. No one has ever been as nice to me as Rana has.

I am in no position to judge other people based on their looks. I don't look so good myself. My body is pathetic, yet Rana actually liked seeing me naked.

Probably, a girl who looks good enough that I'd be proud to show her off to my friends and family wouldn't be interested in me anyway.

I wish Rana could at least get a better haircut and wear some nicer clothes. She brags that her clothes are such high quality they lasted 10 years. Yuck! Is there a polite way to tell a girl she needs to buy an entire new wardrobe and throw out every item of clothing that she owns?

It's possible that my ability to have good sex has been ruined because I haven't done it and I'm almost forty years old. So even if Rana looked better (yet still, for some unfathomable reason, felt the same way about me) I still might not be able to get it up.

Rana has invited herself to spend the night at my apartment this Saturday. I'm not looking forward to it right now. I need to figure out some way to get really horny by then.